Oh where to begin....

Well I have purposely not said much about the "situation" at Calvary on my blog for two main reasons: 1) I did not want to be involved in idle talk
2) I did not want to hurt people needlessly who are involved.

No I will not drop names, however, I will refer to certain situations that the people involved will know all too well what I am speaking of.
For starters, Trevor and I, as of last Sunday, are no longer attending Calvary Baptist Church. Trevor and I have told few people this but it will be realized in the next few weeks. I will not delve into the entire sticky situation and details but let's just say it is a difference in a matter of opinion, particularly on the issue of unrepentant sin.
This summer has been a time where I have often been scared to even venture outside my own home. I told fellow church members of this fear and how Trevor taught me how to use our gun and felt passed off as gossip, and maybe I was. I have been angry with how people are willing to pass off responsibility for hurt on the basis of a simple diagnosis. People I know have been hurt and few, if any apologies have been made by the offending parties. That is not my point here, though I think apologies would go a long way in healing the body of believers.
Sin IS the issue I am talking about. In all my prayer and exploration of the matter in God's word, I learned that church discipline is the answer for sin, of any type but especially of the sexual variety. I sought out I Corinthian 5 which is subtitled Expel the immoral brother. Don't misunderstand me, I hate confrontation. God often has to specifically call me to it for me to do any confrontation. (Well, I suppose except in cases of my temper, which God is working with me on.)
After much prayer, I see a few things in these verses which point to addressing sin in the church. First, it says to "hand this man over to Satan so that the sinful nature (his body) may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord" Are we so afraid to call a brother or sister on sin? Someone might call us on our sin. Believe me, all of us involved in this have prayed long and hard that if sin remained concealed in us that it be revealed and dealt with. Yes, we need grace but grace is not forgetting about unconfessed sin. Sin not dealt with will spread. Paul talks about how some in this body in Corinthians who boasted. He told them, " Don't you know a little yeast works throughout the whole batch of dough?"
Paul also brings in some other sins that need to be addressed like greed, idolatry, and slander. Paul says about these people actively involved in sin, I Corinthians 5 verse 10"You must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother....With such a man do not even eat." So therefore, we are to stop associating with people who claim to believe in Christ, and are involved in sin. I would say that Paul would even say if you associate with such people, YOU are sinning. Paul says to, "Expel the immoral brother from among you(I Cor.5: 12)."
To me this seems pretty cut and dry. Christians who sin and go on their merry way need to be expelled from the fellowship. Many have argued, "We are sinners too so how can we judge?" I pray that if someone brought my sin before me that I would repent immediately. These same people have said that we need to give the sinner time to repent ( And I think two or three months is plenty of time), or how can we be God and determine if they have repented? There are instances in the Bible, even in the New Covenant, that refer to God striking down a sinner
(Acts 5 :1-11).
Without getting into specific details of the situation, I say some heartfelt apologies need to be voiced about why what was done was wrong would suffice. Even if this sinner doesn't believe he is wrong, his actions have hurt people. Sometimes we need to apologize even if we believe we are still right. In doing so, usually we discover we were actually wrong. God desires humility particularly in positions in the church that are supposed to serve.
This is the part where I tell where God has used this to change (or initiate change) in me.
Like this sinner, and many people, I have a problem with criticism. I have the tendency to "shoot the messenger." Aside, the sinner I refer to has also "shot" a lot of his messengers. I pray that if a brother or sister brings a sin to my attention that I will graciously accept their effort, no matter who it is that brings it. My point is that I have to learn to thank the messenger who saves my life. I must daily search my heart for hardness.
Story/Illustration:
I am a cardiac nurse so I have many instances of a disease of the hardness of one' s heart. Though this hardness is a physical disease, it relates to the spiritual hardness of heart.
As in the hardening of one's heart vessels, usually one has an episode of chest pain, which brings to light partially occluded vessels by way of a visit to the local hospital. The person can either have a gracious attitude because he is not dead from the diseased vessels and he can go about changing his life to prevent further damage, or he can
1) Blame the doctor and or other health care professionals ( the messengers)
2) Focus on his genetics ( I'm just born a sinner)
3) ...And the fact that McDonald's is open 24/7( the sin was in front of me and couldn't help
myself)
4) .... Or that he can't exercise because he has to work all the time ( my excuse for not doing the right thing, resentment for having to miss things due to work)

and so forth...
And what's worse is that sin, unlike heart disease or most forms of it anyway, is transmitted to others. Sin spreads like a pandemic, a worldwide epidemic. The spread of bird flu is nothing like sin and what it can do. Sin can eat lives and souls from the inside out, like a putrid rotting wound that spreads its stench and is infested with maggots. Yes, that imagery is disgusting and makes you want to vomit. So it is with sin.
The truth is we are all sinners and without God we are like a leper, whose infected body parts go numb and fall off. Maybe if we treated sin, at least among brethren and not the world, the same way as leprosy was treated, we wouldn't spread it. Lepers were, and still are in some parts of the world, sent off to live out their days apart from the healthy world.(Sin in the world is also addressed I Corinthians 5, it is different). Another aside, leprosy wasn't what people thought it was, it is indeed a very curable disease in the modern world. I used it simply for its imagery.
I will not be silent anymore.

What a day

Well I can only sigh in relief after today. I almost had to break into my own house!
Someone took my nursing bag this morning by mistake and it had my keys in it. Praise God that someone realized it and she brought it back.

Motivation

Here is a semi intelligent post...bet it won't get as many comments as my toes(:

My toes

For Kim..pics of my pedicure....

Come

I have found that lately I am guilty of thinking too much.
I have always been a thinker. For instance, when I worked those long days at the pool as a lifeguard, my friend, Todd, would often comment, "What are you thinking about?" I would ask him how he knew I was thinking about something. He would comment on how my eyes and face seemed to say to him that I was often pondering something. What he didn't know was that I was half praying, half thinking most of the time.

Thinking.
I wonder lately I am thinking more than I am praying.
I think more than I talk to God about the constant struggles right now with life. Struggles, that are chances to see more of my Saviour, if I choose to see them that way. As of late, some things are never far from my mind. I often try to block them out, I guess in some way hoping they are not real. I do know there is very real hurt. I do know that God is working. I know that NO MATTER WHAT God will be glorified.
It is also difficult to focus when so many things are going on. My mind is like this computer. Right now I have about four different windows open. I am listening to music, checking movie times, writing this post, checking myspace, all simultaneously. God is calling me to leave his "window" open throughout my busy day. At some point, I long for the opportunity to shut the other "windows" and focus on him. I must pray for those opportunities.
God is making me daily. He knows and loves who I am but he wants so much more. He also sees the body of believers and wants to make them. Whoa to me if I stand in the way of God's making.

So I go back to questioning myself. Are you thinking or are you praying? God calls me to come.

Omniplex day

Here's a few pics of my trip with the Gardeners, Greins, and Megan to the Omniplex.

Tri - State Collage

Last week was a blast...here are a few choice moments... God is so good. And yes that is Trevor in a cow suit. Don't ask. And yes that is a girl sitting on ice. Again, don't ask.

The Sadness

I can't say a lot about what is going on with my church but please be in prayer. I have learned a few things thus far. Sin, if left alone, will destroy your life and everyone else's around you. God is faithful, no matter what.

The Spice

The Spice..... The Agony....For all you Dune fans. Everyone else is saying, "Huh?"

Seemed appropriate

Am I at the point of no improvement?
What are the deaths I still dwell in?
I try to excel but I feel no movement
Can I be free of this unreleasable sin

CHORUS:
Never underestimate my Jesus
your tellin me that there's no hope
I�m tellin you your wrong
Never underestimate my Jesus
when the world around you crumbles
He will be strong he will be strong

I throw up my hands
oh the impossibilities
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I�m searchin' for
The confidence I lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles
Is overcoming my fears

CHORUS

I think I can't
I think I can't
but I think you can
I think you can
gather my insufficiencies and
place them in your hands
place them in your hands
place them in your hands.

CHORUS (2x)
You will be strong (3x)

Reliant K Never Underestimate My Jesus

On other things

I decided to post for this week. Trevor is at Falls Creek and I will join him for like a day and half. For those of you know don't know what Falls Creek is, get with the program! Just kidding, its the huge mega Baptist youth camp. This will be my first overnight stay.
I also had to add that I finished Dune last week. The ENTIRE six books, yes. It was good. The ending fit. In Leto II's words, "We go forward. We go back."
I am working on some motivational reading that T recommended. We'll see how it goes. Until next time......keep reading!

Arkansas CU Camp

Here's some pictures from the Christian Union Camp in Arkansas, where Trevor played music last week. Enjoy.

No pictures

No pictures will be available until I can find a way to get them off my digital camera. I broke Trev's card reader and can't find the cable to connect my camera to the computer. I guess once we clean up the mess in the computer room we MIGHT find it. But until then we will be pictureless.
Sorry everyone.

Weekend Trip

Last week Trevor went to Lawson to work on his dad's deck and then I joined him on Thursday. I had a lot of fun hanging out with the fam and meeting some of Trevor' s old gang. Our good friends the Danners, Justin and Annie, were married on Saturday afternoon in a beautiful but simple ceremony. We even got to hang out with the Knutters and Kirk and Dana Polo. We did however get home at 7:30 this morning and that was not fun. Pictures to follow tomorrow hopefully.

Mistakes

Yes, I messed up again. But this time it wasn't just an error at work it was an error in judgement. A failure to be fully what God wants me to be. I did something that wasn't very nice, and definitely not Christ-like. How can I be more immersed in God's love so I won' t be like this? I need people praying for me. My stress level, my prayer life, my attitude. I covet your prayers because what I have done repels people and doesn't draw them to the Lord. That is why my life must scream, " I love my Christ!" every day, every moment. I can't slip. I must try to fix what I have done but knowing I can't truly fix it. I just have to realize I am not perfect.
"Perfect. I'm not perfect but I know someone who is...." Jesus fix what I can't fix.

Never alone

"Jesus included me, Yes He Included me, When the Lord said whosoever, he included me."


Let's start off with this is not intended to come off as Amanda's pity party. Yes I am alone for three days but its ok. Gives me time to think.
Do you ever have days where you feel like you just don't fit in? I mean I was at church with friends today after I spent time with most of them in the last two weeks.Even hung out with some yesterday. Maybe its my fault. Maybe I don't know how to interact well with others. But I know this is not true since I do so all the time with these very people. Why do I always feel like I don't fit in?
Not really sure the answers to those questions but I am sure that I need to make more of effort to approach people. I need to stop letting the thought enter my head that I am "in the way." Trevor has a knack for this type of interaction. I do not. That is why I have to make more of an effort but also be understanding. I also need to remember to include other people so they don't feel like I feel now.
I pray that the GROW ministry starts to fill in the gaps for people who come in who are like me. I pray that people always feel welcome in Calvary Baptist Church's family. I am just thankful that Jesus included me.

A reminder for myself...an old post from last year....

Through the disappointments and frustrations of the last few weeks, I have to keep coming back to my foundation (I Cor. 3:11). My foundation is my relationship/identity in Christ. I have to stop making excuses and simply BE the woman has called me to be. For example, when a patient is admitted to my group at work, I usually say, "What?" Instead, I should be thinking of this as an opportunity, not an obstacle, even though I was caught up and now I'm not. Unfortunately, in my present state of mind it will take a lot to get me to that point.
But that is simply not what I am. I am called a new name by God himself. I am no longer Deserted nor Desolate. I am married. I am one with God himself. He has made his dwelling in me (I Cor 6:19). God takes delight in me! I am a crown of splendor in the hand of God himself!
I refuse to see these things as "my job." They are miracles disguised as interruptions, frustrations, and otherwise labeled as "problems." I must be like-minded as Christ the great physician. I must let the people come to me, so that I may glorify Him. They will come to me with their complaints, gripes, and needs and I will respond in kindness as He responded to me. I must.

Happy Birthday Claudette!!!

Erin and Jared's Wedding

Erin and Jared's Wedding In Salt Lake City

The Beautiful Clare

This is after Nursing Pinning at OBU on Friday.