Sunday, December 13, 2009

Saturday, December 12, 2009


Wow it has been a while since I last posted. Life has been crazy but it has slowed down a bit to allow a few moments catch my breath and think again.
As I said, I have been busy almost to the point of excess but as my husband reminds me, it is just a season. And it is just a season. Sometimes I am concerned that the next will be more busy than the last. I like to think I have learned a few things to make it easier to cope. During those hard and crazy times I have to remember to emphasize the things that are good with my life and look over the bad.
One of the helpful things I have learned is how much God loves me. Often I am caught up in the wonder that God could do such a thing as love me so much that He would send His only son to die for me. I am amazed how He could love such an ungrateful, unwilling, selfish person like me but he does! He loves me apart from anything I could ever do or say or be. God seems to remind me of this again and again by sending this message to me in various forms.
I have talked about how work is difficult for me. Lately, work has been, for lack of a better description, work, or difficult labor. Whatever I call it, it has been trying to say the very least. I know where I want to go in my career and in my life but here I am at the same "temporary" job I started last March. I am sick of the crazy patients, working nights, the 45 minute drive each way and the asinine"stuff" that usually accompanies my job. Even so, I have to consider how God looks out for in allowing me an occasional "good" night. I am grateful how God has provided (very well I might add) through this job, I have good people to work with on night shift, and what has been a mostly flexible schedule. Last week I even had a very tangible way God surely watches over me while I work.
One of my patients had been extremely confused all night long. I even talked to a more experienced nurse and we looked at the chart together to figure out why. We thought maybe the pain medicine could be causing it. I found out the next day the true reason why: a massive pulmonary embolism in her main bronchus. That patient could have dropped dead on my shift and probably should have but God looked out for her--- and me too. A long story short, I almost quit nursing early in my career over a patient who coded at the end of my shift and ending up dying from a pulmonary embolus. God will not give me beyond what I can handle. That was proof enough for me. Thank you, God, that patient did not die.
Another way I see God expressing His love for me in my friendships. I am thankful for friends who always make me feel worthwhile (Thanks Kendal). I am also thankful for friends who stop by while they are in town to have coffee and chat (Thanks Alicia) and who stay in touch (Thanks Pam). Lastly, I am thankful for an unexpected evening of having a meaning conversation (Thanks Stephanie). The last one only came because God has helped me understand that my plans are not always the best plans. I know shocking, right? I thank God for changing the plan when I need Him to change my plan.
Yet another way I see God making things right is in my relationship with my husband. The last few months we have had a rough time communicating and such. Marriage is not easy, no, but hard work as I have been so adequately reminded lately. I partially attribute the good state of things to the aforementioned growing ability to look at the good and overlook the bad. I also believe the prayers of so many friends has made so much difference. I feel the power of those prayers on those days when things seem so hopeless but I still feel hope. Thank you for praying for me and my marriage. Thank you.
I give most of the good quality of our marriage to the grace of God who loves us so much. In this season, I pray that you see the fullness of the riches of God in every possible way ( Ephesians 2:7). Hope does not disappoint us as so many things in life can (James 1:4). Hope does not give up. I pray you possess this hope each day in the Lord Jesus Christ, who loves you so much.

I listen to this song.

Oh How He Loves Us
Music by David Crowder
Words by John Mark Mcmillan

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

Thursday, August 06, 2009


One of the most quoted scriptures relating to missions is Isaiah 6: 1-8. The prophet Isaiah sees a vision of God seated on his throne in his holiness. Isaiah comes to understand how unclean he is in the sight of God so He sends an angel with a live coal to purify Isaiah's lips. God says, "Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?" Isaiah says, "Here am I. Send me!' Immediately God gives Isaiah his request.
Like the rest of us who sign up to follow God and be his ambassadors to the world, I doubt that Isaiah realized what he had signed up for. As soon Isaiah said, "Here am I. Send me!" God sends Isaiah with a terrible message to Israel.
God also called Isaiah to do some strange things to get the message across to Israel. Isaiah had a son he named Shear-Jashub which translated "a remnant will return" which I am sure held just a little comfort for the terrible visions Isaiah had been having of what was to come to pass for Israel. The second son he named Maher-Shalal-Hash-Baz which did not hold so pleasant a meaning. "Shazzy's" name was a prophecy from God that before he could talk, one of Israel's enemy would be plundered.
As I was reading yesterday I came across the vision where God told Isaiah to "Take off the sackcloth from your body and sandals from your feet." ( Isaiah 20:2) So Isaiah walked around
in the most a loincloth for 3 years!

When I came across this passage yesterday I had to ask myself, "If God asked me to do that would I?" Would I walk around barefoot in my underwear for three years if God asked me to? When Isaiah said,"Here am I. Send me !" Do you think he knew what he was signing up for? But we are called to be ambassadors of Christ to reconcile people to God ( 2 Corinthians 5:20-21). So when I say to God, "Use me." I better mean it because he will do just that in ways I cannot even imagine. He might have my husband play in a band that takes a lot of time and money but effectively reaches many young people for Christ. He might have me work in a difficult place so others might see and hear the truth. He might send me to camps where my husband and I minister to youth by wild and crazy games. So yes, Lord, Here am I. Send me!

Saturday, June 20, 2009


I am reminded today of the ever present world that surrounds us, the invisible one that is just as real as this one. From time to time I see glimpses of this, at times, terrifyingly real world.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world rulers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. Ephesians 6:14b

I have been studying The Invisible War by Chip Ingram's Living on the Edge ministry. This study continues to open my eyes to the subtlety of Satan's attacks on believers. We engage in what he refers to as "guerilla warfare" with Satan and his demons daily, some days more than others. I learned, or should say was reminded, there are specific times Satan seems to attack more forcefully. A few of these times include: 1) Times of major spiritual growth 2) Any time we invade Enemy territory (the occult, Satanic cults, witchcraft, etc.) 3) Being involved in revealing who the Enemy truly is 4) After true repentance 5) When God is preparing us for great kingdom work

Sometimes the attacks can be more blatant. That's what Chip spoke about yesterday. Without going into any great detail or boasting, I have been dealing with attacks like this as of late. This comes as no surprise given the strongholds that God is bringing down. And God is always timely. It is no accident we studied that scripture yesterday.
The central point of
The Invisible War is the armor of God, which can be found in Ephesians chapter 6 verses 10- 18. One of the major ways we can fight back is the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God ( verse 17). I am working on memorizing scripture. Please pray for me in this endeavor.
The other major way we can fight back is through prayer.
With every prayer and petition, pray at all times in the Spirit, and to this end be alert, with all perseverance and requests for all the saints. (Verse 18)

Believe me, I prayed until the wee hours of the morning, as did my dear husband after we received one of those 3 am phone calls. Again without going into great detail, one of the ministries we are part of has butted up against a stronghold and Satan is fighting back. I was not frightened but prayed and fell asleep. I woke up afraid and prayed some more.
For some odd reason, I thought of the scene in the movie
Labyrinth where the heroine realizes that the Goblin
king she has been fighting has no real power over her. See clip ( it does have one curse word but the lesson is fantastic).
God also brought to mind scripture, which I emphasize is most important. Pray for me as I pray for you. Be strong in the Lord. Remember, any power Satan has is only power God allows him to have, for now.
In the end, we win.

Sunday, June 07, 2009


When the solution is simple, God is answering. --Albert Einstein

Sometimes the hardest things to grasp are the simple things.
Someone pointed out to me recently that I seem to have a lack of grace for others. Of course my immediate response was defensive., "I am not!" Time passed and I realized that this was a very true statement and has been for quite some time.
I have worried over some things that I probably cannot change so much that I have driven my husband crazy! He responded, "Do you really think about this all the time?" No wonder I was so joyless! Usually I felt like this was simply a lack of faith in God to provide, as over and over my husband has to remind me, "Who is our provider?"
I work myself sick trying to "do my part" in being responsible for myself and expect the same from others. I started to realize that my work and worry was due to the fact I don't think God should provide for me because of failures, being irresponsible, etc. In my mind I thought, "Why would God even want to provide for me as often as I fail Him?" The truth is God should not do anything for any one of us but He does! This is grace, something I did not and never will deserve.
Paul says in Ephesians 1: 7, "In him we have redemption through his blood., the forgiveness of sin, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavishes on us." God has provided all I need through his son. Much more than I could ever deserve. I was dead in my sin but he has made me alive! I must live every day remembering how much he has given me. Not in how much I still owe him but how much I have in Him. I must let nothing convince me to earn that gift.
"For by grace you have been saved through faith, And it is not your doing but the gift of God (Ephesians 2 : 8)" Nothing I do can be good enough for God to save me but thankfully he does. What patience he has with me!

God, forgive me for my impatience with my myself and others. Let me recognize evidence of your grace daily. Let me take hold of Your grace so I might act gracefully to others. Forgive me for forgetting how abundantly You have lavished me with Your grace.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Bread truck Monday

It's already a Bread truck Monday.
I made reference to something last week Pastor Mark Driscoll calls "Bread truck Monday." He says as a pastor at times he wishes he could skip the meetings, the conflict, etc and simply drive a bread truck. He says he finds this idea appealing because "it smells like bread, I could listen to ESPN all day, and I wouldn't have to deal with the issues."
I can definitely identify with that. Last week I started my work week on Wednesday and I had a "bread truck Wednesday" experience. I really did not want to go into work. I find myself doing this too often on the nights I go into work.
Most of us can identify with this idea but I find myself thinking, "God must want more from me than this." Sometimes all I can do to get through my three 12hour shifts is to think "only three days and then I am off." Vastly understated, I hate those three days I am on.
I think about the verse where it says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart." This is easier said than done when you are afraid of what may crop up during those 12 hours of insanity. But fear is not from God ( I John 4:8). ( But please note that fear and fear of God are two different things) The evil one gets a foothold when I fear and doubt and he motive is clear to "steal, kill and destroy" but Jesus came to give what the Satan intends to steal (John 10:10). How quickly I let the Enemy tell me all kinds of lies to further that purpose of stealing everything I have.
That's why I have to armor up as Pastor Travis Hurst spoke of yesterday with the armor of God and use the sword to combat Satan's lies ( Ephesians 6: 1-18).
So when that Bread truck Monday feeling comes for me... I know exactly how to fight back.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Well hello again

I must attest to God's faithfulness even in the midst of what seems to be continued uncertainty. And no, I am not talking about the "economic recession." I finished my latest travel job at Harris Methodist Fort Worth Saturday night and now am reviewing other opportunities after the job I had lined out fell through unexpectedly. So I am asking, "Where are you taking me, God?" As Trevor's latest band/ministry, Fight the Fade, gets more and more shows, I ask God again," Where are you taking us?" I will continue to pray and seek God's truth through the Word.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

What is beauty?

Let your beauty not be external – the braiding of hair and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes – but the inner person of the heart, the lasting beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit, which is precious in God’s sight. I Peter 3:3-4

As I sat in the company of Lois Eschenbrenner about a week ago, my mind came back to these verses.. We chatted about life--her children and grandchildren's activities, the recent holidays, etc. I started to consider all Lois has been through lately and how truly beautiful that woman is and how much she means to me and so many others.
The world, with its warped view of physical beauty, might miss someone like Lois in its lists of
"The Year's Top Ten Most Beautiful People" or the latest cover model on Vogue. Hollywood with all its everchanging fashions and trappings would surely overlook her on the street. Even so, she possesses a beauty that the world can only provide a cheap imitation.
I say all that to make clear that Lois Eschenbrenner is beautiful. No doubt about it. She possesses the "lasting beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit." Even as cancer and its subsequent treatments threaten her physical body, it cannot steal her hope. She looks to the future and places it completely in God's hands. I can only hope that as I grow in the grace of our Lord that I could be as lovely as Lois.