Sunday, December 13, 2009

Saturday, December 12, 2009


Wow it has been a while since I last posted. Life has been crazy but it has slowed down a bit to allow a few moments catch my breath and think again.
As I said, I have been busy almost to the point of excess but as my husband reminds me, it is just a season. And it is just a season. Sometimes I am concerned that the next will be more busy than the last. I like to think I have learned a few things to make it easier to cope. During those hard and crazy times I have to remember to emphasize the things that are good with my life and look over the bad.
One of the helpful things I have learned is how much God loves me. Often I am caught up in the wonder that God could do such a thing as love me so much that He would send His only son to die for me. I am amazed how He could love such an ungrateful, unwilling, selfish person like me but he does! He loves me apart from anything I could ever do or say or be. God seems to remind me of this again and again by sending this message to me in various forms.
I have talked about how work is difficult for me. Lately, work has been, for lack of a better description, work, or difficult labor. Whatever I call it, it has been trying to say the very least. I know where I want to go in my career and in my life but here I am at the same "temporary" job I started last March. I am sick of the crazy patients, working nights, the 45 minute drive each way and the asinine"stuff" that usually accompanies my job. Even so, I have to consider how God looks out for in allowing me an occasional "good" night. I am grateful how God has provided (very well I might add) through this job, I have good people to work with on night shift, and what has been a mostly flexible schedule. Last week I even had a very tangible way God surely watches over me while I work.
One of my patients had been extremely confused all night long. I even talked to a more experienced nurse and we looked at the chart together to figure out why. We thought maybe the pain medicine could be causing it. I found out the next day the true reason why: a massive pulmonary embolism in her main bronchus. That patient could have dropped dead on my shift and probably should have but God looked out for her--- and me too. A long story short, I almost quit nursing early in my career over a patient who coded at the end of my shift and ending up dying from a pulmonary embolus. God will not give me beyond what I can handle. That was proof enough for me. Thank you, God, that patient did not die.
Another way I see God expressing His love for me in my friendships. I am thankful for friends who always make me feel worthwhile (Thanks Kendal). I am also thankful for friends who stop by while they are in town to have coffee and chat (Thanks Alicia) and who stay in touch (Thanks Pam). Lastly, I am thankful for an unexpected evening of having a meaning conversation (Thanks Stephanie). The last one only came because God has helped me understand that my plans are not always the best plans. I know shocking, right? I thank God for changing the plan when I need Him to change my plan.
Yet another way I see God making things right is in my relationship with my husband. The last few months we have had a rough time communicating and such. Marriage is not easy, no, but hard work as I have been so adequately reminded lately. I partially attribute the good state of things to the aforementioned growing ability to look at the good and overlook the bad. I also believe the prayers of so many friends has made so much difference. I feel the power of those prayers on those days when things seem so hopeless but I still feel hope. Thank you for praying for me and my marriage. Thank you.
I give most of the good quality of our marriage to the grace of God who loves us so much. In this season, I pray that you see the fullness of the riches of God in every possible way ( Ephesians 2:7). Hope does not disappoint us as so many things in life can (James 1:4). Hope does not give up. I pray you possess this hope each day in the Lord Jesus Christ, who loves you so much.

I listen to this song.

Oh How He Loves Us
Music by David Crowder
Words by John Mark Mcmillan

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…