Last week, I took care of a patient who had a wound that produced a rather odd and disgusting creature...the maggot. I cannot tell you the nature of the wound due to private information but let's just say it reminded of pirates (argh matey!). The worst part of the whole thing (well besides the smell) was that he kept finding them even after we cleaned him well. He then would call us every time he found one and demanded to know what they were and why he had them. He insinuated that we gave them to him! I finally gave him a cup and told him to save them and then we would dispose of the critters. As for the explanation, I finally told him, "A fly laid eggs and that is why you have maggots." I have seen some gross things as a nurse but this tops them all. And course I had to bring rice to eat for lunch!
The other fun story is about admission paperwork. We ask a lot of questions about pain. So on the location of pain for one man I typed in PAIN IN THE NECK. We all laughed and I rephrased it. Later, a patient came in with a pain in her rear and I thought this patient must be PAIN IN THE BUTT/REAR. Pretty funny stuff.
Reminds me of a patient once that we as staff referred to as a "pain in the rear" though this had little to do with his medical diagnosis. He would call constantly about silly things all night long. One night, the nurse didn't medicate him quickly enough for his "hemorrhoid pain" that he lubed himself up with Ben Gay ointment!!! We laughed that now he literally had a pain in the butt!!!
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