Learning to Dance in the Rain

The last few days have been trying to say the least. God sure is answering my prayer to prune me. I am thinking now about how much I just want to be with Him. I used to think that people who said, "Jesus, hurry and bring your kingdom." were crazy. I thought,"I have not lived life yet and there are still things God promised me (I wanted) to do!" I considered how unfair of God to come back and interrupt my life. Yet, as I consider how this life must pale in comparison to the one to come, I realize how God is so much more just than I could ever imagine if he chose to interrupt my life by moving me on to the next.
I have been thinking about what it means to truly walk with God, in this life and what it might be like in the next. I just keep picturing a peaceful place. Like a distant island misted in rain-- but so beautiful! That is why if I am not careful I can make a functional heaven out of "vacation". But that is a different sermon for another day. Aside, if you are interested in this topic check out Pastor Mark Driscoll's sermon series Religion Saves.
Now back to my secluded island resplendent with cool beauty. Why do I picture it in the rain? I think because I feel so dry and scorched from the harsh brightness of the world that to picture it in the sun seems somehow wrong. Many times in the last few days I just want to give up. I am tired of trying and failing and trying and failing. I want to be where God promised me I would be but don't know how He is going to get me there. I picture the island today in a way that brings peace and joy to my weary soul mostly because God is there. He walks beside me as I smell the gentle rain coming I fear might ruin my otherwise "perfect" day at the beach. His hand holds mine when the thunder booms in the distance. His arm holds onto me as the lightning flashes come closer. The big drops of rain start splashing my face and hair and I forget about how wet my clothes will be. I hardly feel them anymore. All I know is that God is with me and surrounding me all at the same time. It is in this moment I realize, God is in the rain. I tip my head back as the water splashes my face and falls down over my lips so I taste the coolness of it. I begin to dance as I taste and feel and smell the goodness of God falling all around me. The sun starts to come out but only so I can see the rainbow in the sky reminding me that God will be with me and has been all along.
Though I am sure that this all sounds so sappy and maybe a little crazy to you, all this comes from the depth of my soul. I realize that the fruit that God wants me to bear is joy--deep, abiding joy, found only in Him. That is why I am not waiting for the storm to pass. I am learning to dance in the rain. Tonight I pray God sends me a sweet dream of the rain.

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God for I will let praise him, my Savior, my God.
Psalm 42:11

If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.
John 15:10-11

Pulling Weeds.

Today, as I was driving along listening Between Thieves, a band from way back in my high school days, I was suddenly transported back in time. I started thinking about a time in my life that was much simpler in many ways. With less responsibilities and more time than I will EVER have again, I was free to envision how my life might be used to glorify God. Back in those days I faithfully read my Bible, listened to Christian music, and dreamt about my life beyond the small town where I felt trapped. At least my best friend was there, Claudette. Oh how I thanked God for her companionship. We spent hours in her room listening to music and discussing our futures far away from the reaches of that little town.
I remember that person I once was and often envy her. This is a strange thing to say especially since that person was and is me. In some ways, I still see glimpses of that girl who attended concerts and conferences and dreamed about how God could use her life to glorify himself. I can honestly say I never in my wildest dreams would have seen where that journey has brought me today.
That girl from the past believed that she could truly change the world in Jesus' name. Sometimes I wonder if I really believe this to to be true in my heart of hearts. Don't get me wrong, that young girl still had a lot of selfishness that God had to work out of her and even now still has much to go in that regard.
I spent so much time hating that point in my life when Claudette graduated and moved away. We can never have those precious days back. The thing I remember so clearly about that time was how I looked with such expectant hope toward the future.
But as Jesus warned me in the parable of the sower (Matthew 13), the worries of the world have grown up like weeds and choked out the word, causing me to be unfruitful. Causing me to have a lack of joy.
Now, I cry out to the Father, the gardener (John 15) to help me pull up these weeds. This is a painful process I know but necessary for me to regain my vision completely. God is faithful even when I am not. He prunes my branches by cutting off what is dead so I can be even more fruitful (John 15:2) . I pray to the True Vine (Jesus) that he might graft me closer into him. I want to be fruitful in Christ, proving myself to be Christ's disciple and revealing God's glory to the world (John 15:8).

Because You also promise I am already clean because of the words You have spoken to me (John 15: 3), remind me of that time in my life when I was so full of hope and love.

Despite the Rain By Between Thieves

I just can't move past these mistakes I've made
With every step I'm tripping as i try to walk away
I guess some kind of penance might ease my mind
The harder I try the more I find...
All I have to do is look to you
And I will never be the same
My life's been changed
And like a child I will play despite the rain
Why do I persist to ram my head against the wall?
Why do I pretend there's nothing wrong at all?
Sometimes I wonder why you still fight for me
It's a mystery
But whenever I'm in doubt...
All I have to do is look to you
And I will never be the same
My life's been changed
And like a child I will play despite the rain
All I have to do is live for you
And when I call upon your name
Your love remains
And like a child I will play despite the rain
Staring in the mirror I see more of you
The reflection of my hearts change
Now there is hope
Now there is peace
Your love has set me free free oh
All I have to do is look to you
And I will never be the same
My life's been changed
And like a child I will play despite the rain
All I have to do is live for you
And when I call upon your name
Your love remains
And like a child I will play despite the rain
I will play (3x)
Despite the rain