I had a situation with a patient's family member at work which left me very angry. By the way, for those of you who don't work in the health care profession, most of my problems come not from the patient but from the well meaning family member who usually just ends up delaying things by getting in the way, causing more problems, etc. If you find this is you, please just go home for a little while and let us do our job, not what you have determined is our job from your uninformed position. It took me 9 years to get where I am now and an expensive degree and license.
As I worked through that anger and basically being told I had done nothing for the patient ( and I had done a whole lot of something for the patient just not what the family member wanted). He basically told me I was a bad nurse and complained to hospital because I did not do everything the way he wanted it done. Also on a side note, this family member is supposedly a health care professional. You would think a fellow health care professional would understand what all I had done that night or be understanding but usually they are the worst.
I realized I was to some degree avoiding that patient's room because I knew nothing I did would be good enough for that man and I couldn't take care of the problem. I was hoping by her not calling out I had somehow fixed the issue with my efforts but I knew it wouldn't. Yes like most people I avoid things I don't know how to fix. Doesn't mean I hadn't done anything for her, it just means I knew it was going to take more than me to fix it and I had other people to take care of too.
I came to realize from all this something Trevor has told me for some time now, I let other people control how I feel about myself. I had always said, "But what do I do about it?" Or vehemently denied it. I guess listening to the series on the heart got me thinking, "Hey it is taking a lot of energy and strength to worry about what other people think about me."
Wow I know, what an epiphany.
One thing that travel nursing has helped me with in my self esteem is to know that I am a good nurse. I have worked hard and I care about my patients. I guess I have come a long way from last year when my former boss told me my patients didn't feel I cared for them. Or from the experiences at a local hospital where I get attitude every day from fellow staff for just being me.( I have some more thoughts on that one coming up) I started to realize I have a lot of people telling or accusing me of things that are just not true. As a truly caring person I had always let things affect me deeply. Things that I am sure most people just pass off as, "That person doesn't even know me why would I let them affect me?"
I have come to know just how much I have let other peoples' issues affect me. From today on I will not let other peoples' jealousy and problems with themselves weigh me down. I came to the understanding with Andy's sermon that the reason these people were treating me like crap is a) because I let them b) because they are jealous of me!
This last part was like a light bulb coming on in my head. I just thought, "It all makes sense! But why?" The why doesn't matter. This just helps me be a better person because I realize it wasn't me they had a problem with.
I thank God I understand this now. The next step is learning from it. "Either you learn from it, or run from it."---Rafiki, from the Lion King.
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