Last week reminded me of the song listed in the title quote. Suffice to say, God is teaching me a lot in my daily times with him, though I have a lot left to learn (as cliche as that sounds). If you ask I will elaborate(:
Things are going well but, as always, not as quickly as I would have hoped. Been catching up on sleep, the Office on dvd, and fellowship with friends.
I leave Thursday for another fun filled two weeks of work crammed into 7 days. I do enjoy watching reruns of Jon and Kate Plus Eight and What Not To Wear on TLC from the confines of my hotel room before traveling to work.
Here's a funny blog I came across from my friend Dave (the pbb link) posted today. It's a website of badly decorated cakes. I thought it was funny anyway.
My friend, Alicia, also told me about a blog worthy of mention as well: http://thepioneerwoman.com/
Until next Friday, farewell.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
" You must do the thing you cannot do"--Eleanor Roosevelt
Trev and I leave next week to embark on our newest adventure: travel nursing. We ( I should say I and Trevor is going with me) are going to Temple, Texas to work at Scott and White Memorial Hospital. I will be working nights so it will be completely different. And yes Trev is trying to do a part time job while we are there. I will work 6 out of 7 days then come back to Shawnee for a week so Trev can work on projects here.
Why Temple,Texas? I am not sure, God only knows. All I know is our days off worked out perfectly!
Why Travel Nursing? This is something we have been talking about for a while.
1) We want to travel a bit before we "settle down."
2) I like to keep things interesting in my career.
3) We want to better our finances a little too. We need to do the hard things now so that later on I can decide to stay at home with kids instead of being required to work. We also desire to bless other people. We feel we can more adequately do this if our hands aren't tied financially. Debt ties one down significantly, so we have found out the hard way.
Please pray for us in our endeavor. I know some of you are going, "Wait! 6 out of 7 days and then traveling back to Shawnee every other week?" Yes I will be tired but well tended. I keep thinking of 1 Corinthians 9:27 " I beat my body and make it my slave so that after preaching to others I will not be disqualified for the prize."
This life was never promised to be easy! Quite the opposite is true. We must avoid the trap of the comfortable, easy life. May be God glorified in our lives always.
Why Temple,Texas? I am not sure, God only knows. All I know is our days off worked out perfectly!
Why Travel Nursing? This is something we have been talking about for a while.
1) We want to travel a bit before we "settle down."
2) I like to keep things interesting in my career.
3) We want to better our finances a little too. We need to do the hard things now so that later on I can decide to stay at home with kids instead of being required to work. We also desire to bless other people. We feel we can more adequately do this if our hands aren't tied financially. Debt ties one down significantly, so we have found out the hard way.
Please pray for us in our endeavor. I know some of you are going, "Wait! 6 out of 7 days and then traveling back to Shawnee every other week?" Yes I will be tired but well tended. I keep thinking of 1 Corinthians 9:27 " I beat my body and make it my slave so that after preaching to others I will not be disqualified for the prize."
This life was never promised to be easy! Quite the opposite is true. We must avoid the trap of the comfortable, easy life. May be God glorified in our lives always.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
"There I am in the spotlight...losing my religion."
This song most accurately describes my day today. Yeah I got too frustrated and said some thing I should not have. I guess I just thought that if you work at something as hard as you can that patients might be, I don't know appreciative, or at least cordial.
This by no means, however, does not justify my actions and inappropriate words. I need to "love my enemies" which could be the people in my life who work against me and not for me. I am called to love those people too. I have learned that honesty is usually not the best policy unfortunately in my line of work.
So if you think about it, pray for me so that my co workers and patients can see Christ by looking at me. They are not seeing it now I'm pretty sure.
Psalm 59:10
Lord ,
Create in me a clean heart, renew a steadfast spirit within me.
This by no means, however, does not justify my actions and inappropriate words. I need to "love my enemies" which could be the people in my life who work against me and not for me. I am called to love those people too. I have learned that honesty is usually not the best policy unfortunately in my line of work.
So if you think about it, pray for me so that my co workers and patients can see Christ by looking at me. They are not seeing it now I'm pretty sure.
Psalm 59:10
Lord ,
Create in me a clean heart, renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Please pray for Lois Eschenbrenner
Last week was a trying week for Lois Eschennbrenner who found out last week she is very ill. Pray for her comfort and healing as she recovers from surgery. Pray for both she and her family as Lois seeks out further treatment in the days to come.
Lois is someone I consider a mentor in my walk with the Lord. Her gentle and serving spirit even through this trial amazes me.
Lois is someone I consider a mentor in my walk with the Lord. Her gentle and serving spirit even through this trial amazes me.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Lame on!
In honor Embrace the Lame Week (ETL)
My top five lamest things:
5) My fascination with garden gnomes.
Case in point. My "Can you
dig it" Garden Gnome
4)My tiny front porch garden
3) "Part 3 of my confessions, if the first two were not enough to scare you away"... My fascination with Weird Al. If you got my quote, then you are a lame Weird Al fan too.
2) Self portraits in the driver's seat.
1) My irritation with major stations for preempting Lost with weather news!
I don't care about a tornado coming towards me, I want to watch Lost!
My top five lamest things:
5) My fascination with garden gnomes.
Case in point. My "Can you
dig it" Garden Gnome4)My tiny front porch garden
3) "Part 3 of my confessions, if the first two were not enough to scare you away"... My fascination with Weird Al. If you got my quote, then you are a lame Weird Al fan too.
2) Self portraits in the driver's seat.
1) My irritation with major stations for preempting Lost with weather news!
I don't care about a tornado coming towards me, I want to watch Lost!
Monday, April 21, 2008
Heart Trouble
As I read my daily (sometimes not so daily) Bible study last night I read Romans 12. Afterr my favorite verses I read something that I had never considered before. Paul says, "For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." Paul then goes on to talk about the different functions of the Body.
Now for someone like me who has chronically low self esteem, I am not sure how to take this statement. I know God views me as something precious and worthy of praise (Isaiah 63). I also have come to realize life is NOT about me. I intend to instill this bit of knowledge into my children, which is often lacking in this generation.
I also realize there are qualities in my life that need to change for me to be more like Christ. This is not an easy process, no not all. It is a process that is intentional and sacrificial. People do not change for the better unless they intentionally give of themselves. For the process to be complete that sacrifice has to be entire. This is the part which we called "gut check" time in track practice, when you get to the point where you either give it your all or just part.The point that made you a winner or just a participant. Or a whiner like me, Ouch, sad but true "Therefore I urge you as brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God, this your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12: 1-2
As an aside, life is better. Or maybe my perspective is better too. Spring is finally here. Trevor and I are gearing up for some more high speed insanity we like to call life. Pray for us as we ready for summer and the challenges and opportunities that will arise ( usually last minute if I know my husband well).
Now for someone like me who has chronically low self esteem, I am not sure how to take this statement. I know God views me as something precious and worthy of praise (Isaiah 63). I also have come to realize life is NOT about me. I intend to instill this bit of knowledge into my children, which is often lacking in this generation.
I also realize there are qualities in my life that need to change for me to be more like Christ. This is not an easy process, no not all. It is a process that is intentional and sacrificial. People do not change for the better unless they intentionally give of themselves. For the process to be complete that sacrifice has to be entire. This is the part which we called "gut check" time in track practice, when you get to the point where you either give it your all or just part.The point that made you a winner or just a participant. Or a whiner like me, Ouch, sad but true "Therefore I urge you as brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God, this your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12: 1-2
As an aside, life is better. Or maybe my perspective is better too. Spring is finally here. Trevor and I are gearing up for some more high speed insanity we like to call life. Pray for us as we ready for summer and the challenges and opportunities that will arise ( usually last minute if I know my husband well).
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Warning: Contents Under Pressure!
If there was a label on my life right now that is exactly what it would read. The storm clouds circle and just when I think its over, it starts raining again.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised, after all Jesus never said life would be easy. He just said he would be with me.
I have started doing Bible study again and I realize how much I crave structure and schedule. More than that I need God's power to move in my life.
On Wednesday nights, the ladies in my church started a Beth Moore study called Stepping Up: A Study of the Psalms of Ascent. How good it is to get face down before the Creator and seek Him. Oh but all the excuses I can come with to miss out on what he has for me. Last night I fell asleep doing the study. But I will not give up.
Like I said we have had hard times (hasn't everyone lately). As I was on the verge of tears last week the verses from Romans Chapter 5 came to mind. Suffering produces endurance, endurance, character, and character produces hope. And hope is something we all need to appear and stay!
As part of the study, we studied Psalm 121., which was recently skillfully put into song by the Songs from the Voice project.
He will not Rest, Christena Graves
I guess I shouldn't be surprised, after all Jesus never said life would be easy. He just said he would be with me.
I have started doing Bible study again and I realize how much I crave structure and schedule. More than that I need God's power to move in my life.
On Wednesday nights, the ladies in my church started a Beth Moore study called Stepping Up: A Study of the Psalms of Ascent. How good it is to get face down before the Creator and seek Him. Oh but all the excuses I can come with to miss out on what he has for me. Last night I fell asleep doing the study. But I will not give up.
Like I said we have had hard times (hasn't everyone lately). As I was on the verge of tears last week the verses from Romans Chapter 5 came to mind. Suffering produces endurance, endurance, character, and character produces hope. And hope is something we all need to appear and stay!
As part of the study, we studied Psalm 121., which was recently skillfully put into song by the Songs from the Voice project.
He will not Rest, Christena Graves
When I look up
To the vast sides of the mountain
I know that my Creator
Will send the help I need
He will hold me
Firmly in the place I need to be
Never let his eyes leave me for a moment
He will not rest
He will not let us go
He will not rest
He will not let us go
The Lord keeps you so close
that his shadow is cooling shade to you
He'll keep your soul safe
From the first breath to the last breath that you breathe
He will not rest
He will not let us go
He will not rest
He will not let us go
To the vast sides of the mountain
I know that my Creator
Will send the help I need
He will hold me
Firmly in the place I need to be
Never let his eyes leave me for a moment
He will not rest
He will not let us go
He will not rest
He will not let us go
The Lord keeps you so close
that his shadow is cooling shade to you
He'll keep your soul safe
From the first breath to the last breath that you breathe
He will not rest
He will not let us go
He will not rest
He will not let us go
Monday, January 07, 2008
A few more pictures
Christmas did not work out as planned but we had a fun time. Here are a few pictures to chronicle
our adventures. Dave even came up last week as part of our New Year's celebration.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Update
Here's a quick list of update (in no particular order)
-We are now moved to our "new" home.
- We have gas, water, and electric at our new home. We can also shower ( hot water tank works). Still need an electrician to look at the furnace, staying warm enough, for now.
-Lost some tree branches with the recent ice storm. We still have electricity unlike our friends the Greins.
-Jack took ill last Thursday morning.( If you want the details we will give them but for those with weak stomachs, let's leave it at that.) Trevor took him to the Animal Hospital on Thursday morning, where Jack stayed overnight, got IV fluids and antibiotics.
-Jack is back to his normal self, except for a spot on his right paw the vet had to shave for his IV.
-Dad (Hoppy) came up to help with the house Thursday - Sunday. His help was much appreciated.
-I am returning to Unity as part time. Not much will change. I will still do agency work 1-2 days a week.
-I guess that's about it. Oh and I think my amarylis is a dud. It still has not bloomed.
For those who ask about Christmas gifts I am now responding Bath and Body works Twisted Peppermint products (any kind), socks, indoor spice plants ( kitchen herbs like basil, dill, mint, cilantro), or indoor bulbs like narcissus, amarylis, etc.
-We are now moved to our "new" home.
- We have gas, water, and electric at our new home. We can also shower ( hot water tank works). Still need an electrician to look at the furnace, staying warm enough, for now.
-Lost some tree branches with the recent ice storm. We still have electricity unlike our friends the Greins.
-Jack took ill last Thursday morning.( If you want the details we will give them but for those with weak stomachs, let's leave it at that.) Trevor took him to the Animal Hospital on Thursday morning, where Jack stayed overnight, got IV fluids and antibiotics.
-Jack is back to his normal self, except for a spot on his right paw the vet had to shave for his IV.
-Dad (Hoppy) came up to help with the house Thursday - Sunday. His help was much appreciated.
-I am returning to Unity as part time. Not much will change. I will still do agency work 1-2 days a week.
-I guess that's about it. Oh and I think my amarylis is a dud. It still has not bloomed.
For those who ask about Christmas gifts I am now responding Bath and Body works Twisted Peppermint products (any kind), socks, indoor spice plants ( kitchen herbs like basil, dill, mint, cilantro), or indoor bulbs like narcissus, amarylis, etc.
Saturday, November 03, 2007
On talking to plants
I bought an amarylis plant the other day and have had the opportunity to watch it grow. After I provided it with the prescribed combination of soil, water, and sunlight it has grown, bit by little bit.
At first I thought I had killed it with too little water. Then I went on a trip and feared I had killed it with too little water and not enough sunlight. I try to remember to crack the shade and give it a sip of water when I pass by it. Of course, I tend to forget from time to time. Luckily, it seems to be a hardy plant so far.
Every time I pass by my plant, I am amazed by its progress. Every day it grows a little more. Slowly but surely I will have a beautiful red flower to look at and tend to.
Today as I checked on my plant, I whispered, "To the sky." I figured it needed some extra encouragement after a typical week of my neglect.
At first I thought I had killed it with too little water. Then I went on a trip and feared I had killed it with too little water and not enough sunlight. I try to remember to crack the shade and give it a sip of water when I pass by it. Of course, I tend to forget from time to time. Luckily, it seems to be a hardy plant so far.
Every time I pass by my plant, I am amazed by its progress. Every day it grows a little more. Slowly but surely I will have a beautiful red flower to look at and tend to.
Today as I checked on my plant, I whispered, "To the sky." I figured it needed some extra encouragement after a typical week of my neglect.
After the latest conflict with my husband, I have paused to reflect on my words to him. Unfortunately, I do not always speak as well to him as I do to my little plant. And like my plant sometimes I neglect to give my husband the prescribed things to make our marriage grow.
Sometimes I do things that unknowingly "tear down my home" like little things I see as comments, he sees as discouragements. After today I will make a concentrated effort to encourage my husband and even allow him room to fail. Because the truth is we all fail. And my husband has been there for me in some tough times. And if I can speak kindly to my plant, shouldn't I do more for my husband?
I'll keep you posted on my plant(;
Sometimes I do things that unknowingly "tear down my home" like little things I see as comments, he sees as discouragements. After today I will make a concentrated effort to encourage my husband and even allow him room to fail. Because the truth is we all fail. And my husband has been there for me in some tough times. And if I can speak kindly to my plant, shouldn't I do more for my husband?
I'll keep you posted on my plant(;
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Story of the Pumpkin Continued....
Trevor began drawing on the pumpkin
Soon the pumpkin had a face... this one is a Star Wars one
This face is Strong Bad from Homestarrunner
This is one is a classic Jack-o- lantern
Then finally the pumpkin was aglow!
and aglow....
......and aglow!Happy Halloween!
Happy Birthday to Hanna and Ashton too!
Saturday, October 13, 2007
The story of the pumpkin
Pictures for your perusal
Job hunt going well. Remember, Nurse recruiters can be so annoying! Pray for me as I seek God's direction.
I have a lot of pictures to catch up on! My lil bro got married on August 18. Oh there are some pics of Ruby, my best friend's niece, Grannie and Papa, Mom and Dad at the wedding.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
On potholes and such
"Some of us think holding on makes us strong, sometimes it is letting go." Herman Hesse
The title is from a dear friend who said all this mess with work was just a "pothole" in my career, that I would get through it or around it.
Well as most of you know by now, the meeting on Wednesday decided that, though I have improved it is not enough and that I am to move on from my current job. I am not bitter but am actively fighting bitterness. Now I know this is not where God wants me to be right now. I also know that I needed to take this opportunity to let me know that home health is not where I need to be now.
John Greenleaf Whittier in Maud Muller said it best, "For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: 'It might have been!' " Now is not that time for could have, would have, should have's.
My last day is Wednesday then I have basically have a week of paid vacation. What an opportunity to grow and understand what God has for me!
Though this is tough, I must not give up. "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9
I do not try to put all this "behind me." The bitterness and stress I will forget but not the comfort. I do not write my employers and coworkers off. I am grateful for all the kindness I have received.
With God's help I will not only get through this I will be better because of it. This song sums it up.
The title is from a dear friend who said all this mess with work was just a "pothole" in my career, that I would get through it or around it.
Well as most of you know by now, the meeting on Wednesday decided that, though I have improved it is not enough and that I am to move on from my current job. I am not bitter but am actively fighting bitterness. Now I know this is not where God wants me to be right now. I also know that I needed to take this opportunity to let me know that home health is not where I need to be now.
John Greenleaf Whittier in Maud Muller said it best, "For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: 'It might have been!' " Now is not that time for could have, would have, should have's.
My last day is Wednesday then I have basically have a week of paid vacation. What an opportunity to grow and understand what God has for me!
Though this is tough, I must not give up. "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9
I do not try to put all this "behind me." The bitterness and stress I will forget but not the comfort. I do not write my employers and coworkers off. I am grateful for all the kindness I have received.
With God's help I will not only get through this I will be better because of it. This song sums it up.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Crossroads
"Don't ask for less problems, ask for more skills."
---Jim Rohn, The Day that Turns Your Life Around
Come listen to another series of ramblings in my head from the lastest drama that is my life.
It seems I am at another crossroads (and I am not talking about the cheesy movie with Brittany Spears either). This one is to stay---or not stay. That is the question.
Here's the gist without getting too detailed. Hah, that's funny when you see how long this post is! Its long but PLEASE read on. As some of you know I started a home health job about 3 months ago. I really stepped out on a limb to take this job because I truly believe God has designed me to be a nurse in a setting outside floor/hospital nursing. I was amazed the opportunity had come so quickly. I prayed and believed that this is what God wanted for me. And I know just because things are not going as I had hoped does not mean this is not what God intended. I praise God when adversities come, they make me stronger. (James Chapter 1)
Wednesday, it was brought to my attention that I am not doing as well as I thought. "Home health is not easy. You make lots of mistakes at first. That' s normal." This was what my supervisors and co-workers have told me for weeks. So when the bosses called me in for a closed door meeting and asked, "How do you feel things are going?" I replied, "Good, I have made mistakes, I know what to do now because of them." The administrator replied, "Yes, you have some problems. Things are not progressing as well as we had hoped. You are not where you should be at three months." She continued to tell me that I have made the same mistakes over and over with little or no signs of improvement. She also told me about my "lack of cordiality and rapport with my patients." That is the part I am still not getting.
I love my patients and fight for them. Reportedly, my supervisors talked to my patients and co-workers about my patient interaction. According to my administrator, they concluded I am too "cut and dry." Well yeah I am. But I love my patients! The meeting continued to inform me I have two weeks to improve my paperwork and form rapport with my patients or I will be terminated.
Wow. Talk about a ton of bricks to drop on somebody. Without seeming too critical of the orientation process of becoming a nurse, I am about to become very critical of the whole orientation process.
I thought this morning about how we as human beings are designed by God with a distinct purpose in mind. With saying this though, I realize we also draw a lot of our sense of our world from our experiences and environment. I think back to when I first became a nurse. Realize nursing school has a little to do with that but one's first job can very influential.
I think about Vanessa. Vanessa was my first preceptor at St Luke's when I did not know a thing about working in the hospital. Vanessa was a Phillipino lady who stood about 5 feet tall. What Vanessa lacked in height she made up for in personality. She proudly recognized that co-workers called her "Hitler" due to her sometimes not so kind,commanding, get-it-done-now, approach to nursing. She taught me time management in the sense that "You can't talk to patients! You too busy!" She argued with me once when I asked a CNA for help with getting a patient to cooperate to get a BP. "You the RN! If you can't do it, no one can!" I still hear her saying, "You behind. This should be done, NOW!" She frequently reduced me to tears. Her cattle prod approach to nursing taught me time management. It can also account for my tendency to be brusque, and to put it frankly, very "cut and dry" at times.
St Luke's had an amazing orientation that allowed sufficient time to orient, about six months on the floor I worked on. (Other places say they will allow enough time but frequently don't) When I moved to nights, it was still hectic. Most of the time the nurses were the secretary, aide, and own supervisor rolled into one. Nicole took up the task of training me next. Nicole was the sweetest, most efficient nurse. She patiently taught me how to draw blood, start IV's, handle patient complaints, while remaining calm. Unfortunately, some of Vanessa's survival techniques stuck. I fear I treated Nicole badly because when I finally got on my own I was scared. And it was hard and that is not an excuse. I thank Nicole for all she did. And even Vanessa. If I had not been trained well there were numerous occasions I would have quit.
The orientation at each place after St Luke's was fair to poor at best. Julie will admit she did not have time to really train me at Baptist and I really did well from the beginning due to my experiences at St Luke's. I trained for maybe a two weeks with Julie and then I was on my own.
Orientation at Unity, well let's just say the preceptor and I didn't mix well. I found myself doing most of HER work for her at the end. Oh and I discovered frequently rules that were not explained or even mentioned. I told my nursing supervisor NOT to train anyone with this nurse ever again. I hope she listened.
And lastly, this orientation experience currently has been thrown together at best. It is not to say people haven't bent over backwards for me. And this is not to say I did not follow excellent caring nurses. I love the people I work with and for, they are the best. Thus far, I think this might be the best job I've had. I just think, for me, the orientation process wasn't organized in such a way to help me succeed. And this past week doesn't make it all bad. It can be the day that turns my life around if I let it.
People at my job have been encouraging me for weeks. They have patted me on the back for being patient with my mistakes. Now I fear my mistakes will be the end of me there. I understand its because I keep making the same mistakes. And its not because I'm not trying. Its because I don't get it-- yet.
I feel if a problem exists in the orientation process, it should not be up to the orientee to bring it up. Especially when the orientee has been told over and over that this is "normal." If a problem develops and the bosses see it, I feel they have the responsibility to bring it up to the orientee in a timely fashion. What I find most overwhelming is two things . 1) I feel I am doing well (I was on call BY MYSELF WITH LITTLE INSTRUCTION THREE WEEKS into the job!) all things considered. 2) I have two weeks to fix a "personality problem" that I didn't even know I have.
And with saying all this please pray for my sanity. I want to use this past Wednesday to improve, but I am overwhelmed. Please pray that I would go where I need to go and have the conversations I need to have. And thank you for listening/reading my thoughts. I know I probably shouldn't divulge this but this its my blog and my job. This has nothing to do with private stuff except for what is private to me and I am sharing with readers who I know care about me. Thank you
---Jim Rohn, The Day that Turns Your Life Around
Come listen to another series of ramblings in my head from the lastest drama that is my life.
It seems I am at another crossroads (and I am not talking about the cheesy movie with Brittany Spears either). This one is to stay---or not stay. That is the question.
Here's the gist without getting too detailed. Hah, that's funny when you see how long this post is! Its long but PLEASE read on. As some of you know I started a home health job about 3 months ago. I really stepped out on a limb to take this job because I truly believe God has designed me to be a nurse in a setting outside floor/hospital nursing. I was amazed the opportunity had come so quickly. I prayed and believed that this is what God wanted for me. And I know just because things are not going as I had hoped does not mean this is not what God intended. I praise God when adversities come, they make me stronger. (James Chapter 1)
Wednesday, it was brought to my attention that I am not doing as well as I thought. "Home health is not easy. You make lots of mistakes at first. That' s normal." This was what my supervisors and co-workers have told me for weeks. So when the bosses called me in for a closed door meeting and asked, "How do you feel things are going?" I replied, "Good, I have made mistakes, I know what to do now because of them." The administrator replied, "Yes, you have some problems. Things are not progressing as well as we had hoped. You are not where you should be at three months." She continued to tell me that I have made the same mistakes over and over with little or no signs of improvement. She also told me about my "lack of cordiality and rapport with my patients." That is the part I am still not getting.
I love my patients and fight for them. Reportedly, my supervisors talked to my patients and co-workers about my patient interaction. According to my administrator, they concluded I am too "cut and dry." Well yeah I am. But I love my patients! The meeting continued to inform me I have two weeks to improve my paperwork and form rapport with my patients or I will be terminated.
Wow. Talk about a ton of bricks to drop on somebody. Without seeming too critical of the orientation process of becoming a nurse, I am about to become very critical of the whole orientation process.
I thought this morning about how we as human beings are designed by God with a distinct purpose in mind. With saying this though, I realize we also draw a lot of our sense of our world from our experiences and environment. I think back to when I first became a nurse. Realize nursing school has a little to do with that but one's first job can very influential.
I think about Vanessa. Vanessa was my first preceptor at St Luke's when I did not know a thing about working in the hospital. Vanessa was a Phillipino lady who stood about 5 feet tall. What Vanessa lacked in height she made up for in personality. She proudly recognized that co-workers called her "Hitler" due to her sometimes not so kind,commanding, get-it-done-now, approach to nursing. She taught me time management in the sense that "You can't talk to patients! You too busy!" She argued with me once when I asked a CNA for help with getting a patient to cooperate to get a BP. "You the RN! If you can't do it, no one can!" I still hear her saying, "You behind. This should be done, NOW!" She frequently reduced me to tears. Her cattle prod approach to nursing taught me time management. It can also account for my tendency to be brusque, and to put it frankly, very "cut and dry" at times.
St Luke's had an amazing orientation that allowed sufficient time to orient, about six months on the floor I worked on. (Other places say they will allow enough time but frequently don't) When I moved to nights, it was still hectic. Most of the time the nurses were the secretary, aide, and own supervisor rolled into one. Nicole took up the task of training me next. Nicole was the sweetest, most efficient nurse. She patiently taught me how to draw blood, start IV's, handle patient complaints, while remaining calm. Unfortunately, some of Vanessa's survival techniques stuck. I fear I treated Nicole badly because when I finally got on my own I was scared. And it was hard and that is not an excuse. I thank Nicole for all she did. And even Vanessa. If I had not been trained well there were numerous occasions I would have quit.
The orientation at each place after St Luke's was fair to poor at best. Julie will admit she did not have time to really train me at Baptist and I really did well from the beginning due to my experiences at St Luke's. I trained for maybe a two weeks with Julie and then I was on my own.
Orientation at Unity, well let's just say the preceptor and I didn't mix well. I found myself doing most of HER work for her at the end. Oh and I discovered frequently rules that were not explained or even mentioned. I told my nursing supervisor NOT to train anyone with this nurse ever again. I hope she listened.
And lastly, this orientation experience currently has been thrown together at best. It is not to say people haven't bent over backwards for me. And this is not to say I did not follow excellent caring nurses. I love the people I work with and for, they are the best. Thus far, I think this might be the best job I've had. I just think, for me, the orientation process wasn't organized in such a way to help me succeed. And this past week doesn't make it all bad. It can be the day that turns my life around if I let it.
People at my job have been encouraging me for weeks. They have patted me on the back for being patient with my mistakes. Now I fear my mistakes will be the end of me there. I understand its because I keep making the same mistakes. And its not because I'm not trying. Its because I don't get it-- yet.
I feel if a problem exists in the orientation process, it should not be up to the orientee to bring it up. Especially when the orientee has been told over and over that this is "normal." If a problem develops and the bosses see it, I feel they have the responsibility to bring it up to the orientee in a timely fashion. What I find most overwhelming is two things . 1) I feel I am doing well (I was on call BY MYSELF WITH LITTLE INSTRUCTION THREE WEEKS into the job!) all things considered. 2) I have two weeks to fix a "personality problem" that I didn't even know I have.
And with saying all this please pray for my sanity. I want to use this past Wednesday to improve, but I am overwhelmed. Please pray that I would go where I need to go and have the conversations I need to have. And thank you for listening/reading my thoughts. I know I probably shouldn't divulge this but this its my blog and my job. This has nothing to do with private stuff except for what is private to me and I am sharing with readers who I know care about me. Thank you
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Heroes?
Well our Internet is back up so I guess you have the privilege of listening to a rambling thought of mine.
I finished watching the first season of Heroes. The story begins when a group of seeming normal people find out they are extraordinary through a series of events. One man can fly. Another can read people's thoughts. Still one more has super strength. As the story continues to unfold, the heroes find out they all will take part in a major world altering event. Each person discovers how he or she can help save the world.
This show strikes a chord with so many of us who search for meaning and significance to our existence. I have wondered often long and hard about how I was made with a "special" purpose in mind that can be accomplished by no one but me. A hero if you want to think about it that way.
Maybe it is the little child in me that cries, "Notice what I can do that no one else can!" I even find myself among the body of believers thinking, "If only I could _____, I would be significant." I go on week by week believing in my heart that no one notices me. When someone actually does forget about me, this convinces me all the more.
It is then I am convinced of my hero ability, the power of invisibility. People forget about me, yes. It is good people trust me and do not feel threatened by me. It is not so positive when people fail to remember me. Or even in some instances flat out ignore me.
I know, I know God remembers me. He knew me before I was born (Psalm 139: 13). He sings a song of rejoicing over me (Zephaniah 3:17). I am the most precious thing to him. I am part of Him (Isaiah 62:3).
I know these things to be true. I also know if the body does not work together, the world dies.
Our mission is to save a world decaying from within. Our world rots away as sin destroys the perfect world our Father has made. The only hope we have is to look to God for answers on how we can work together and rely on Him.
The heroes encounter each other on that faithful day to find out--they need each other. They discover if they work alone, evil will destroy the world. If they don't purposefully and sacrificially use their abilities to the fullest, they will fail.
The same is true of the Church. If we deny we need each other, as I have done for so long because of the pain of rejection, the Church will fail. The purpose of the Church is the same our Lord's "to seek and save that which was lost." We have to believe in each other, and in our Lord's will, or all will be lost. Then we will be truly heroes and save the world.
And I remember
Yes he included me. Jesus included me. When the Lord said whosoever, he included me.
And that must be all I need.
I finished watching the first season of Heroes. The story begins when a group of seeming normal people find out they are extraordinary through a series of events. One man can fly. Another can read people's thoughts. Still one more has super strength. As the story continues to unfold, the heroes find out they all will take part in a major world altering event. Each person discovers how he or she can help save the world.
This show strikes a chord with so many of us who search for meaning and significance to our existence. I have wondered often long and hard about how I was made with a "special" purpose in mind that can be accomplished by no one but me. A hero if you want to think about it that way.
Maybe it is the little child in me that cries, "Notice what I can do that no one else can!" I even find myself among the body of believers thinking, "If only I could _____, I would be significant." I go on week by week believing in my heart that no one notices me. When someone actually does forget about me, this convinces me all the more.
It is then I am convinced of my hero ability, the power of invisibility. People forget about me, yes. It is good people trust me and do not feel threatened by me. It is not so positive when people fail to remember me. Or even in some instances flat out ignore me.
I know, I know God remembers me. He knew me before I was born (Psalm 139: 13). He sings a song of rejoicing over me (Zephaniah 3:17). I am the most precious thing to him. I am part of Him (Isaiah 62:3).
I know these things to be true. I also know if the body does not work together, the world dies.
Our mission is to save a world decaying from within. Our world rots away as sin destroys the perfect world our Father has made. The only hope we have is to look to God for answers on how we can work together and rely on Him.
The heroes encounter each other on that faithful day to find out--they need each other. They discover if they work alone, evil will destroy the world. If they don't purposefully and sacrificially use their abilities to the fullest, they will fail.
The same is true of the Church. If we deny we need each other, as I have done for so long because of the pain of rejection, the Church will fail. The purpose of the Church is the same our Lord's "to seek and save that which was lost." We have to believe in each other, and in our Lord's will, or all will be lost. Then we will be truly heroes and save the world.
And I remember
Yes he included me. Jesus included me. When the Lord said whosoever, he included me.
And that must be all I need.
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