Two Pennies in My Pocket

I need a joy transfusion

2010-09-12T17:37:00.004-05:00

Had some struggles this weekend. This goes along with the saying, "You are either about to enter a storm, going through a storm, or coming out of a storm." Hopefully this is the coming out of the storm part.
Just suffice to say that I have been and am going through some trials in my life. God has taught me some things while going through these trials not the least of which is joy. I am not talking about joy because "I got a new car" joy or "I got a raise" joy but a joy that endures. I talking about the joy that not based on money, good fortune, or lack of hard times. I am talking about a joy that endures when everything falls apart, everything seems to go wrong, and nothing goes as planned.
To quote Charles Swindoll in Laugh Again, Experience Outrageous Joy (an amazing find at the bargain book store) "I know of no greater need today than the need for joy. Unexplainable, contagious joy. Outrageous joy." Unexplainable, contagious joy. I like that. I want that. I need that.
So this is me repenting of my recent lack of joy. Yes, lack of joy is a sin because when it comes down to it the ability to maintain joy is a matter of choice. I can choose to be remain unhappy or I can choose to rejoice in God. To quote Charles Swindoll again, "People who choose joy pay no attention to what day of the week it is..or how old they are...what level of pain they are in. They have deliberately decided to laugh again because they have chosen joy. People who do not choose joy miss the relief laughter can bring. And because they do not, they cannot. And because they do not, they cannot. And because they can't, they won't. Which one are you?" Today, I repent of my lack of joy. Today, I chose joy.

Jack doesn't really have to go outside.

2010-09-12T17:37:00.000-05:00

...just a little bit

2010-08-16T02:01:00.004-05:00

*Warning! Contains potential spoilers*

I had a fun weekend with my mom and sister when they came to visit this past weekend. We ate out--probably way too much, went to a concert, and took in a couple of movies. The first movie was Eat Pray Love starring Julia Roberts. Eat Pray Love is based on Elizabeth Gilbert's memoirs about her year-long journey around the world to discover her life's meaning.
The movie was refreshingly not the usual stereotypical romance/chick flick. Eat Pray Love appears to convincingly show one woman's progress towards inner peace through divorce, meditation, and abroad.
As I said, I enjoyed the movie as it shows the inner journey one woman experienced. Eat Pray Love is as heartwarming as it is eye opening to the meshing of cultures, religions, and paradigms. It speaks to the increasingly spiritual but not necessarily religious culture we live in today. Of course the lens I encounter the world through relates how the spiritual material matches up with my belief that Christ is the only way to inner peace so I disagree fundamentally with the premise that you have to "find" yourself in gurus, meditation, or other religious practice. Yet, in all honesty, I considered how I could easily allow myself to sit in the theater for 2 hours and merely "feel good" and be entertained.
I also considered the sermon I recently watched online from Craig Groeschel titled Toxic, where Craig explains that some of the things we ingest in culture--movies, music, etc are poison. He also equates this to if we made a batch of brownies and put just a little bit of dog poop in them. Most of us would say, "Dog poop. Ew gross!" Even if it's just a little bit, most people would agree just a little bit of dog poop is still gross.
So I would say I watched Eat Pray Love, was entertained by it, got a few "warm fuzzies" from its heart warming message, at times was even challenged in my thinking but did not allow myself to digest it in its entirety. I was aware enough to realize that I find meaning in Christ alone--not in relationships, religion, or meditation. So in my humble opinion, Eat Pray Love contained a little dog poop--just a little bit.

The Way of Love

2010-08-11T16:38:00.003-05:00

...because the Word says it so much better than I ever could... ¹ If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. ²If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. ^3-7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

^8-10Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

¹¹When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

¹²We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

¹³But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. (1 Corinthians 13, The Message)

A work uncomplete

2010-08-04T00:45:00.002-05:00

~ No relationship in life can be any more successful than what we are willing to learn about ourselves through it. The moment we turn our back on what others give us to see about ourselves, we not only walk away from what we need to see, but also from the better person we could be . . . were we only willing to learn the lesson at hand. ~

Guy Finley

Despite great trials, amidst great joy, and with much grace, I journey on. I am thankful for what God has taught me this season, what He is teaching me, and what I have yet to learn. God is faithful, lest I forget.
I am learning how the greatest fears in me are simply what I see in myself. God continues to shine light into the dark places in me. This is an altogether painful but beautiful process.
God is continually revealing the courage within me to chase lions and live dangerously in the will of God. I will no longer run from pain but learn to embrace it. In embracing pain I will learn what Jesus says in Matthew 14: 24-25, "Don't run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I'll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. (The Message)

For the friends who continue with me on this journey, I cannot thank you enough. For those who have just joined me, thank you. For those who have parted ways, may God bless you and keep you.

Learning to Dance in the Rain

2010-03-07T23:31:00.004-06:00

The last few days have been trying to say the least. God sure is answering my prayer to prune me. I am thinking now about how much I just want to be with Him. I used to think that people who said, "Jesus, hurry and bring your kingdom." were crazy. I thought,"I have not lived life yet and there are still things God promised me (I wanted) to do!" I considered how unfair of God to come back and interrupt my life. Yet, as I consider how this life must pale in comparison to the one to come, I realize how God is so much more just than I could ever imagine if he chose to interrupt my life by moving me on to the next.
I have been thinking about what it means to truly walk with God, in this life and what it might be like in the next. I just keep picturing a peaceful place. Like a distant island misted in rain-- but so beautiful! That is why if I am not careful I can make a functional heaven out of "vacation". But that is a different sermon for another day. Aside, if you are interested in this topic check out Pastor Mark Driscoll's sermon series Religion Saves.
Now back to my secluded island resplendent with cool beauty. Why do I picture it in the rain? I think because I feel so dry and scorched from the harsh brightness of the world that to picture it in the sun seems somehow wrong. Many times in the last few days I just want to give up. I am tired of trying and failing and trying and failing. I want to be where God promised me I would be but don't know how He is going to get me there. I picture the island today in a way that brings peace and joy to my weary soul mostly because God is there. He walks beside me as I smell the gentle rain coming I fear might ruin my otherwise "perfect" day at the beach. His hand holds mine when the thunder booms in the distance. His arm holds onto me as the lightning flashes come closer. The big drops of rain start splashing my face and hair and I forget about how wet my clothes will be. I hardly feel them anymore. All I know is that God is with me and surrounding me all at the same time. It is in this moment I realize, God is in the rain. I tip my head back as the water splashes my face and falls down over my lips so I taste the coolness of it. I begin to dance as I taste and feel and smell the goodness of God falling all around me. The sun starts to come out but only so I can see the rainbow in the sky reminding me that God will be with me and has been all along.
Though I am sure that this all sounds so sappy and maybe a little crazy to you, all this comes from the depth of my soul. I realize that the fruit that God wants me to bear is joy--deep, abiding joy, found only in Him. That is why I am not waiting for the storm to pass. I am learning to dance in the rain. Tonight I pray God sends me a sweet dream of the rain.

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God for I will let praise him, my Savior, my God.
Psalm 42:11

If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.
John 15:10-11

Pulling Weeds.

2010-03-04T01:58:00.003-06:00

Today, as I was driving along listening Between Thieves, a band from way back in my high school days, I was suddenly transported back in time. I started thinking about a time in my life that was much simpler in many ways. With less responsibilities and more time than I will EVER have again, I was free to envision how my life might be used to glorify God. Back in those days I faithfully read my Bible, listened to Christian music, and dreamt about my life beyond the small town where I felt trapped. At least my best friend was there, Claudette. Oh how I thanked God for her companionship. We spent hours in her room listening to music and discussing our futures far away from the reaches of that little town.
I remember that person I once was and often envy her. This is a strange thing to say especially since that person was and is me. In some ways, I still see glimpses of that girl who attended concerts and conferences and dreamed about how God could use her life to glorify himself. I can honestly say I never in my wildest dreams would have seen where that journey has brought me today.
That girl from the past believed that she could truly change the world in Jesus' name. Sometimes I wonder if I really believe this to to be true in my heart of hearts. Don't get me wrong, that young girl still had a lot of selfishness that God had to work out of her and even now still has much to go in that regard.
I spent so much time hating that point in my life when Claudette graduated and moved away. We can never have those precious days back. The thing I remember so clearly about that time was how I looked with such expectant hope toward the future.
But as Jesus warned me in the parable of the sower (Matthew 13), the worries of the world have grown up like weeds and choked out the word, causing me to be unfruitful. Causing me to have a lack of joy.
Now, I cry out to the Father, the gardener (John 15) to help me pull up these weeds. This is a painful process I know but necessary for me to regain my vision completely. God is faithful even when I am not. He prunes my branches by cutting off what is dead so I can be even more fruitful (John 15:2) . I pray to the True Vine (Jesus) that he might graft me closer into him. I want to be fruitful in Christ, proving myself to be Christ's disciple and revealing God's glory to the world (John 15:8).

Because You also promise I am already clean because of the words You have spoken to me (John 15: 3), remind me of that time in my life when I was so full of hope and love.

Despite the Rain By Between Thieves

I just can't move past these mistakes I've made
With every step I'm tripping as i try to walk away
I guess some kind of penance might ease my mind
The harder I try the more I find...
All I have to do is look to you
And I will never be the same
My life's been changed
And like a child I will play despite the rain
Why do I persist to ram my head against the wall?
Why do I pretend there's nothing wrong at all?
Sometimes I wonder why you still fight for me
It's a mystery
But whenever I'm in doubt...
All I have to do is look to you
And I will never be the same
My life's been changed
And like a child I will play despite the rain
All I have to do is live for you
And when I call upon your name
Your love remains
And like a child I will play despite the rain
Staring in the mirror I see more of you
The reflection of my hearts change
Now there is hope
Now there is peace
Your love has set me free free oh
All I have to do is look to you
And I will never be the same
My life's been changed
And like a child I will play despite the rain
All I have to do is live for you
And when I call upon your name
Your love remains
And like a child I will play despite the rain
I will play (3x)
Despite the rain

Beautiful Bride.

2010-01-31T17:38:00.005-06:00

Watch the Flyleaf video for Beautiful Bride. It says it all.

I love this song. It plays in my head (and usually cranked up all the way in my car) as I drive to Bible study to spend time with my sisters. I love my sisters.

It plays in my head when we take a friend out to dinner to help her remember her joy for one evening. Did I mention I love my sisters?

It plays in my head when I participate in a memorial service for a sister who has gone on to be with the Lord. I love my family.

It plays in my head when I drive to church on Saturday night or Sunday morning to spend time celebrating God's goodness with fellow believers. I love my brothers and sisters.

I love the body, the bride of Christ. How beautiful the body is when we function as one.

1 Corinthians 12:12 "For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ."

But as I said, Flyleaf says it quite well.

Beautified diversity
Functioning as one body
Every part encouraged by the other
No one independent of another
You're irreplaceable
Indespensable,
You're incredible
You're incredible

Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying
Fighting ends in forgiveness
Unite and fight all division
Beautiful bride

Strengthen your arms now
Train your fingers for battle
Urgency's here now
Train your fingers for battle
Fighting this violence
With your feet wrapped in peace
Sad tears and silence
Now screams of joy
Victory

Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying
Fighting ends in forgiveness
Unite and fight all division
Beautiful bride

Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying
Fighting ends in forgiveness
Unite and fight all division
Beautiful bride

We're not gonna fall and forget
How far you went to pick us up
If one parts hurt the whole bodys sick
If one part mourns we all mourn with Him
Rejoice, we'll sing with you
Hallelujah,
Hallelujah,
Hallelujah,
Hallelujah

Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying
Fighting ends in forgiveness
Unite and fight all division
Beautiful bride

Beautiful bride
Body of Christ
One flesh abiding
Strong and unifying
Fighting ends in forgiveness
Unite and fight all division
Beautiful bride

Flyleaf, Beautiful Bride

2010-01-31T17:31:00.001-06:00

Oh How He Loves Us

2009-12-13T00:47:00.001-06:00

Lyrics

Blessed

2009-12-12T23:36:00.007-06:00

Wow it has been a while since I last posted. Life has been crazy but it has slowed down a bit to allow a few moments catch my breath and think again.
As I said, I have been busy almost to the point of excess but as my husband reminds me, it is just a season. And it is just a season. Sometimes I am concerned that the next will be more busy than the last. I like to think I have learned a few things to make it easier to cope. During those hard and crazy times I have to remember to emphasize the things that are good with my life and look over the bad.
One of the helpful things I have learned is how much God loves me. Often I am caught up in the wonder that God could do such a thing as love me so much that He would send His only son to die for me. I am amazed how He could love such an ungrateful, unwilling, selfish person like me but he does! He loves me apart from anything I could ever do or say or be. God seems to remind me of this again and again by sending this message to me in various forms.
I have talked about how work is difficult for me. Lately, work has been, for lack of a better description, work, or difficult labor. Whatever I call it, it has been trying to say the very least. I know where I want to go in my career and in my life but here I am at the same "temporary" job I started last March. I am sick of the crazy patients, working nights, the 45 minute drive each way and the asinine"stuff" that usually accompanies my job. Even so, I have to consider how God looks out for in allowing me an occasional "good" night. I am grateful how God has provided (very well I might add) through this job, I have good people to work with on night shift, and what has been a mostly flexible schedule. Last week I even had a very tangible way God surely watches over me while I work.
One of my patients had been extremely confused all night long. I even talked to a more experienced nurse and we looked at the chart together to figure out why. We thought maybe the pain medicine could be causing it. I found out the next day the true reason why: a massive pulmonary embolism in her main bronchus. That patient could have dropped dead on my shift and probably should have but God looked out for her--- and me too. A long story short, I almost quit nursing early in my career over a patient who coded at the end of my shift and ending up dying from a pulmonary embolus. God will not give me beyond what I can handle. That was proof enough for me. Thank you, God, that patient did not die.
Another way I see God expressing His love for me in my friendships. I am thankful for friends who always make me feel worthwhile (Thanks Kendal). I am also thankful for friends who stop by while they are in town to have coffee and chat (Thanks Alicia) and who stay in touch (Thanks Pam). Lastly, I am thankful for an unexpected evening of having a meaning conversation (Thanks Stephanie). The last one only came because God has helped me understand that my plans are not always the best plans. I know shocking, right? I thank God for changing the plan when I need Him to change my plan.
Yet another way I see God making things right is in my relationship with my husband. The last few months we have had a rough time communicating and such. Marriage is not easy, no, but hard work as I have been so adequately reminded lately. I partially attribute the good state of things to the aforementioned growing ability to look at the good and overlook the bad. I also believe the prayers of so many friends has made so much difference. I feel the power of those prayers on those days when things seem so hopeless but I still feel hope. Thank you for praying for me and my marriage. Thank you.
I give most of the good quality of our marriage to the grace of God who loves us so much. In this season, I pray that you see the fullness of the riches of God in every possible way ( Ephesians 2:7). Hope does not disappoint us as so many things in life can (James 1:4). Hope does not give up. I pray you possess this hope each day in the Lord Jesus Christ, who loves you so much.

I listen to this song.

Oh How He Loves Us
Music by David Crowder
Words by John Mark Mcmillan

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

Willing?

2009-08-06T14:25:00.004-05:00

One of the most quoted scriptures relating to missions is Isaiah 6: 1-8. The prophet Isaiah sees a vision of God seated on his throne in his holiness. Isaiah comes to understand how unclean he is in the sight of God so He sends an angel with a live coal to purify Isaiah's lips. God says, "Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?" Isaiah says, "Here am I. Send me!' Immediately God gives Isaiah his request.
Like the rest of us who sign up to follow God and be his ambassadors to the world, I doubt that Isaiah realized what he had signed up for. As soon Isaiah said, "Here am I. Send me!" God sends Isaiah with a terrible message to Israel.
God also called Isaiah to do some strange things to get the message across to Israel. Isaiah had a son he named Shear-Jashub which translated "a remnant will return" which I am sure held just a little comfort for the terrible visions Isaiah had been having of what was to come to pass for Israel. The second son he named Maher-Shalal-Hash-Baz which did not hold so pleasant a meaning. "Shazzy's" name was a prophecy from God that before he could talk, one of Israel's enemy would be plundered.
As I was reading yesterday I came across the vision where God told Isaiah to "Take off the sackcloth from your body and sandals from your feet." ( Isaiah 20:2) So Isaiah walked around in the most a loincloth for 3 years!

When I came across this passage yesterday I had to ask myself, "If God asked me to do that would I?" Would I walk around barefoot in my underwear for three years if God asked me to? When Isaiah said,"Here am I. Send me !" Do you think he knew what he was signing up for? But we are called to be ambassadors of Christ to reconcile people to God ( 2 Corinthians 5:20-21). So when I say to God, "Use me." I better mean it because he will do just that in ways I cannot even imagine. He might have my husband play in a band that takes a lot of time and money but effectively reaches many young people for Christ. He might have me work in a difficult place so others might see and hear the truth. He might send me to camps where my husband and I minister to youth by wild and crazy games. So yes, Lord, Here am I. Send me!

War

2009-06-20T12:34:00.004-05:00

I am reminded today of the ever present world that surrounds us, the invisible one that is just as real as this one. From time to time I see glimpses of this, at times, terrifyingly real world.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world rulers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. Ephesians 6:14b

I have been studying The Invisible War by Chip Ingram's Living on the Edge ministry. This study continues to open my eyes to the subtlety of Satan's attacks on believers. We engage in what he refers to as "guerilla warfare" with Satan and his demons daily, some days more than others. I learned, or should say was reminded, there are specific times Satan seems to attack more forcefully. A few of these times include: 1) Times of major spiritual growth 2) Any time we invade Enemy territory (the occult, Satanic cults, witchcraft, etc.) 3) Being involved in revealing who the Enemy truly is 4) After true repentance 5) When God is preparing us for great kingdom work

Sometimes the attacks can be more blatant. That's what Chip spoke about yesterday. Without going into any great detail or boasting, I have been dealing with attacks like this as of late. This comes as no surprise given the strongholds that God is bringing down. And God is always timely. It is no accident we studied that scripture yesterday.
The central point of The Invisible War is the armor of God, which can be found in Ephesians chapter 6 verses 10- 18. One of the major ways we can fight back is the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God ( verse 17). I am working on memorizing scripture. Please pray for me in this endeavor.
The other major way we can fight back is through prayer.
With every prayer and petition, pray at all times in the Spirit, and to this end be alert, with all perseverance and requests for all the saints. (Verse 18)

Believe me, I prayed until the wee hours of the morning, as did my dear husband after we received one of those 3 am phone calls. Again without going into great detail, one of the ministries we are part of has butted up against a stronghold and Satan is fighting back. I was not frightened but prayed and fell asleep. I woke up afraid and prayed some more.
For some odd reason, I thought of the scene in the movie Labyrinth where the heroine realizes that the Goblin
king she has been fighting has no real power over her. See clip ( it does have one curse word but the lesson is fantastic).
God also brought to mind scripture, which I emphasize is most important. Pray for me as I pray for you. Be strong in the Lord. Remember, any power Satan has is only power God allows him to have, for now.
In the end, we win.

Grace

2009-06-07T00:42:00.002-05:00

When the solution is simple, God is answering. --Albert Einstein

Sometimes the hardest things to grasp are the simple things.
Someone pointed out to me recently that I seem to have a lack of grace for others. Of course my immediate response was defensive., "I am not!" Time passed and I realized that this was a very true statement and has been for quite some time.
I have worried over some things that I probably cannot change so much that I have driven my husband crazy! He responded, "Do you really think about this all the time?" No wonder I was so joyless! Usually I felt like this was simply a lack of faith in God to provide, as over and over my husband has to remind me, "Who is our provider?"
I work myself sick trying to "do my part" in being responsible for myself and expect the same from others. I started to realize that my work and worry was due to the fact I don't think God should provide for me because of failures, being irresponsible, etc. In my mind I thought, "Why would God even want to provide for me as often as I fail Him?" The truth is God should not do anything for any one of us but He does! This is grace, something I did not and never will deserve.
Paul says in Ephesians 1: 7, "In him we have redemption through his blood., the forgiveness of sin, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavishes on us." God has provided all I need through his son. Much more than I could ever deserve. I was dead in my sin but he has made me alive! I must live every day remembering how much he has given me. Not in how much I still owe him but how much I have in Him. I must let nothing convince me to earn that gift.
"For by grace you have been saved through faith, And it is not your doing but the gift of God (Ephesians 2 : 8)" Nothing I do can be good enough for God to save me but thankfully he does. What patience he has with me!

God, forgive me for my impatience with my myself and others. Let me recognize evidence of your grace daily. Let me take hold of Your grace so I might act gracefully to others. Forgive me for forgetting how abundantly You have lavished me with Your grace.

Bread truck Monday

2009-04-03T17:11:00.003-05:00

It's already a Bread truck Monday.
I made reference to something last week Pastor Mark Driscoll calls "Bread truck Monday." He says as a pastor at times he wishes he could skip the meetings, the conflict, etc and simply drive a bread truck. He says he finds this idea appealing because "it smells like bread, I could listen to ESPN all day, and I wouldn't have to deal with the issues."
I can definitely identify with that. Last week I started my work week on Wednesday and I had a "bread truck Wednesday" experience. I really did not want to go into work. I find myself doing this too often on the nights I go into work.
Most of us can identify with this idea but I find myself thinking, "God must want more from me than this." Sometimes all I can do to get through my three 12hour shifts is to think "only three days and then I am off." Vastly understated, I hate those three days I am on.
I think about the verse where it says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart." This is easier said than done when you are afraid of what may crop up during those 12 hours of insanity. But fear is not from God ( I John 4:8). ( But please note that fear and fear of God are two different things) The evil one gets a foothold when I fear and doubt and he motive is clear to "steal, kill and destroy" but Jesus came to give what the Satan intends to steal (John 10:10). How quickly I let the Enemy tell me all kinds of lies to further that purpose of stealing everything I have.
That's why I have to armor up as Pastor Travis Hurst spoke of yesterday with the armor of God and use the sword to combat Satan's lies ( Ephesians 6: 1-18).
So when that Bread truck Monday feeling comes for me... I know exactly how to fight back.

Well hello again

2009-02-23T14:58:00.002-06:00

I must attest to God's faithfulness even in the midst of what seems to be continued uncertainty. And no, I am not talking about the "economic recession." I finished my latest travel job at Harris Methodist Fort Worth Saturday night and now am reviewing other opportunities after the job I had lined out fell through unexpectedly. So I am asking, "Where are you taking me, God?" As Trevor's latest band/ministry, Fight the Fade, gets more and more shows, I ask God again," Where are you taking us?" I will continue to pray and seek God's truth through the Word.

What is beauty?

2009-01-11T20:04:00.002-06:00

Let your beauty not be external – the braiding of hair and wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes – but the inner person of the heart, the lasting beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit, which is precious in God’s sight. I Peter 3:3-4

As I sat in the company of Lois Eschenbrenner about a week ago, my mind came back to these verses.. We chatted about life--her children and grandchildren's activities, the recent holidays, etc. I started to consider all Lois has been through lately and how truly beautiful that woman is and how much she means to me and so many others.
The world, with its warped view of physical beauty, might miss someone like Lois in its lists of
"The Year's Top Ten Most Beautiful People" or the latest cover model on Vogue. Hollywood with all its everchanging fashions and trappings would surely overlook her on the street. Even so, she possesses a beauty that the world can only provide a cheap imitation.
I say all that to make clear that Lois Eschenbrenner is beautiful. No doubt about it. She possesses the "lasting beauty of a gentle and tranquil spirit." Even as cancer and its subsequent treatments threaten her physical body, it cannot steal her hope. She looks to the future and places it completely in God's hands. I can only hope that as I grow in the grace of our Lord that I could be as lovely as Lois.

So this is Christmas...

2008-12-27T02:50:00.003-06:00

"So this is Christmas and what have you done?"
---John Lennon, War is Over

Ah Christmastime. I love it and hate it at the same time. I love the warm fuzzy feelings. Yet, just as quickly as this crazy season began, its over. This year has been more hectic than others since the Trevor Taylor family has made some strides in overcoming that beast called debt, more precisely in the form of student loans.
So since August we have been working in two different states: he as a contractor in Oklahoma and me as a contract, or traveling, nurse. Started out in Temple, Texas. It was crazy but I had expected as much since the first try is usually a little crazy.
Since the end of October, negotiations started with a new company for a new location: Harris Methodist in Fort Worth. I feel like my life has become a whirlwind of one thing after another. Most of all I miss my friends in Oklahoma who have become so dear to my heart.
The three hour drive to Texas gives me a lot of time to ponder life so I have listened to some interesting sermons in my car. The latest is a series on faith called Five Things That Grow Your Faith by Andy Stanley, Senior Pastor at Northpoint Community Church. So as this season comes and I sometimes ask, "Why?" this sermon fell into my hands.
One of the things that helps grow faith are providential relationships. Since Christmas is a celebration of how Christ came into the world so it seems appropriate that I think about some people who entered my world and changed it forever. ( And this is by no means an exclusive list I am sure many more impacted my life than I can mention.)
First and foremost my parents influenced me at an early age to be in church and have kept encouraging my to have faith in God to direct my path. I remember how people like Barb Venable and Ron and Bettie Watson came into my life and encouraged me to learn about the Bible and how to have a relationship with God. George Pearson, Kevin Sellars, and Darrell Paulk took the time to teach me how to live out my faith. Claudette and I worked out our faith as we walked around Gordon many a night as we listened to each others' stories. The Haynes and Cherrys helped me develop my faith in college through some tough times. Julie, Brandee, and Elizabeth Erin , Karmen, Autumn and Jennifer were closer than sisters to me in my struggles and celebrations. I also met my husband and cannot say enough how much his life, words,and actions cause me to believe that God can and will win over all.
My husband's family has been good to me too in welcoming me into a second "family." Carla, Mark, Ty, Jess, Tiff, Travis, Denise and Kevin, all brought me in different ways. My Oklahoma "family" includes many sisters too like Alicia, Kendal, Michelle, Kim, Pam, Julie, Jena, Leslie, and many, many others from my church family and beyond. Our good friend Dave encourages with his words. I also have to mention the many in my Tri-State family as well: Jim, Lois, Sue, Dori, John, Teresa, Ben, Sam, Brandi, Holly, Matt, Marty, Andrea, Marvin, Linda, Christian, Kelsey, and so many others.
I start to think about how blessed I am to have so many providential relationships in my life. People who have entered my life like Christ did so many years ago, never to leave the world like he found it. "I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy." Phillipians 1: 1-2
So when my faith falters I think on "my people" and how God will make things right again. Until that day I will have to believe.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad!

2008-11-21T13:57:00.003-06:00

Happy Anniversary to my mom and dad. They are celebrating 35 years today.

Updated

2008-11-21T10:53:00.013-06:00

Trevor and I are doing well. Busy getting things "winter proof" and working.
We also:
1) Took a trip to Kansas to the Tri State camp meeting on October 31st--November 1st. Nice to see camp friends and help plan Tri State for this summer.
*Look at the new Tri State camp site. I am excited how God's going to work this summer!

2) Trevor and I have been communicating well. We have "tea times" almost every night.

*This is us on the shores of Lake Belton outside Belton, TX.

3) After catching my electric range on fire yesterday we have done some rearranging in the kitchen to avoid further mishaps. Don't worry every one was fine. Just lost most of my potholders.

4) I accepted a travel nurse job at Harris Methodist in Fort Worth. Its much closer and closer to my parents. They are way excited.

5) Our friends, Nick and Christi Clemons finally had Isabella Faith on Tuesday, November 18th. Christi had been on bed rest for about 3 weeks for preterm labor complications. Isabella, who was actually 35 weeks gestational age, instead of the estimated 32 or 33 weeks, was 5 lbs 6 oz . She looks like a little doll. They were able to go home yesterday.

7) I went to see my friend Jennifer in Tulsa. It was good to see her. She's a cute almost three months pregnant.
*The bunny is house trained! His names is Starbucks.

6) I enjoy helping with the Children's Ministry at Faith Christian Outreach, our church. I help with the 2-3's every other Sunday.
* Aren't they cute!

*8) Jack is doing well. He lies around and sleeps all day. Same old, same old. He enjoys going for walks and chasing squirrels in the backyard. Don't laugh he's our child (:

*Jack all bundled up and lying on the couch the Residence Inn. Yes, our dog does travel with us most of the time.

*Sorry this is kind of backwards since Blogger uploads backwards. If the update has a picture, it is above the update.*

To come this afternoon: an update regarding my parents!!!!

A word to the wise

2008-11-05T14:32:00.003-06:00

I have found the some of the critics of Bush to be disgraceful not only themselves but also to their country.
I warn that we should not be so hypocritical to do the same to Obama. Let us respect our leader and our country even if we have valid concerns.
Check out this link about how our fellow countrymen's harsh, and at times inappropriate, criticisms will affect us all.

Oh I am not finished yet....

2008-10-31T07:55:00.002-05:00

I had a situation with a patient's family member at work which left me very angry. By the way, for those of you who don't work in the health care profession, most of my problems come not from the patient but from the well meaning family member who usually just ends up delaying things by getting in the way, causing more problems, etc. If you find this is you, please just go home for a little while and let us do our job, not what you have determined is our job from your uninformed position. It took me 9 years to get where I am now and an expensive degree and license.
As I worked through that anger and basically being told I had done nothing for the patient ( and I had done a whole lot of something for the patient just not what the family member wanted). He basically told me I was a bad nurse and complained to hospital because I did not do everything the way he wanted it done. Also on a side note, this family member is supposedly a health care professional. You would think a fellow health care professional would understand what all I had done that night or be understanding but usually they are the worst.
I realized I was to some degree avoiding that patient's room because I knew nothing I did would be good enough for that man and I couldn't take care of the problem. I was hoping by her not calling out I had somehow fixed the issue with my efforts but I knew it wouldn't. Yes like most people I avoid things I don't know how to fix. Doesn't mean I hadn't done anything for her, it just means I knew it was going to take more than me to fix it and I had other people to take care of too.
I came to realize from all this something Trevor has told me for some time now, I let other people control how I feel about myself. I had always said, "But what do I do about it?" Or vehemently denied it. I guess listening to the series on the heart got me thinking, "Hey it is taking a lot of energy and strength to worry about what other people think about me."
Wow I know, what an epiphany.
One thing that travel nursing has helped me with in my self esteem is to know that I am a good nurse. I have worked hard and I care about my patients. I guess I have come a long way from last year when my former boss told me my patients didn't feel I cared for them. Or from the experiences at a local hospital where I get attitude every day from fellow staff for just being me.( I have some more thoughts on that one coming up) I started to realize I have a lot of people telling or accusing me of things that are just not true. As a truly caring person I had always let things affect me deeply. Things that I am sure most people just pass off as, "That person doesn't even know me why would I let them affect me?"
I have come to know just how much I have let other peoples' issues affect me. From today on I will not let other peoples' jealousy and problems with themselves weigh me down. I came to the understanding with Andy's sermon that the reason these people were treating me like crap is a) because I let them b) because they are jealous of me!
This last part was like a light bulb coming on in my head. I just thought, "It all makes sense! But why?" The why doesn't matter. This just helps me be a better person because I realize it wasn't me they had a problem with.
I thank God I understand this now. The next step is learning from it. "Either you learn from it, or run from it."---Rafiki, from the Lion King.

2008-10-31T07:13:00.002-05:00

Wow! I know what you are thinking, two posts in two consecutive days! After this they may be even fewer and far between for a few days.
The three month contract with Scott and White is up in one week. Can't say I am all too sad to leave that hospital. The experience has not been altogether pleasant--or even unpleasant for that matter but always enlightening. Negotiations are underway with a new company that just has a few more options that could be better for us.
I was able to sleep in my bed for the night. Most of it with the little furry friend curled up next to me. (Jack, unfortunately, not Trevor for most of the night) I have plenty to do today. As part of my devotion today I wanted to blog about a series I have been listening to in the car called It Came From Within by Andy Standley from Northpointe Ministries.
The series explains how to have a clean heart, from a biblical but different approach than I have ever seen.
The first message was on the condition of the heart and why we often say things that often surprise even us. Proverbs 4 :23 says, "Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." The first step to doing anything well in life, loving, leading,etc is to keep your heart clean.
Jesus talks about where those unexpected outbursts come from, your heart. Those things that come out and everybody, including you is thinking,"Where in the world did that come from?" Jesus says it comes from the heart. Due to time restraints I will reference where the Pharisees question Jesus about not washing his hands before he ate ( not eww gross he didn't wash at all but the ceremonial bla,bla,bla the Pharisees did for show). Jesus replies it is not what comes out of a man that makes him unclean but what goes into him. Meaning what is on the inside matters more than what is on the outside. Those little outbursts come from an unclean heart. Andy says these things get through our filter. Our filter is what we learn from an early age to maintain relationships,etc to keep what is in our heart hidden. The filter comes from when we learn at age 5 we can't say that certain word ( for me it was butt, thanks Mom) or we get in trouble. When we say things uncharacteristically for us those things just make it past our filter. Doesn't mean they weren't always there, just means we learned to filter. I have discovered my filter often gets broken at work, when all the stress brings our rotten things from my heart.
The second message was on guilt and how unchecked it can weigh us down and ruin all our relationships, not just with the person we have wronged. Andy explains how we have to go to the person we have wronged to rid ourselves of guilt. Confession does no good if we only confess to God since he already knows. We have to go to the person we have wronged to truly make things right.
In the next message that Hideous Thing, Andy describes what envy can do to a person. Its not what you have always heard preached either. (I couldn't do his description justice so if you are interested I can get you the sermon series). In short we treat others who have more____ whatever better because of envy. Our problem is not with them but with God. "God why didn't you give me____?"
So far I have a long laundry list for my own heart, people to confess my wrong doing to and it won't be easy. I have to, though, to make my heart clean.

"I'm coming home but I'm still a long way off."

2008-10-30T08:13:00.002-05:00

Jack and I are heading back to Oklahoma after a short nap. This is brief for my adoring "fans" who check my blog daily for updates. I have been keeping things updated with twitter. Maybe there is a similar thing for blogger? We'll see...
Heading to Kansas tomorrow afternoon with Trev for a Tri State meeting.

My favorite things about fall

2008-10-07T15:49:00.003-05:00

I have thinking about how much I love Fall. October, in particular, is so beautiful! Here's what I love about Fall:

The weather is perfect! I have been enjoying walks and front porch tea times chats with Trevor every night when we are home.
The leaves change colors. Well maybe not as much in Shawnee. I have fond memories of traveling to Missouri at this time of year. Also a I think of a trip I went on last fall to South Carolina and Tennessee. Sigh, maybe next year.
Craving Jack-o-lanterns. I say this instead of Halloween because I like other things about fall besides this holiday. Maybe I will get more into it when I have kids. Craving pumpkins is fun though. I will post our pics when we do our carving.

I am sure there are more I can't think of now. What are your favorite things about fall?

Stranger things have happened

2008-10-07T15:32:00.002-05:00

The last few days have been interesting to say the least. Of course there have been the typical issues with our families. We continue to pray. There was an incident yesterday with some things preceding and following that lead me to believe I need to be a woman of prayer more than ever. I wonder what is going on. Well, truth is I know.
I don't claim to know I know why but the spiritual world around is stirring more than usual. The battle for good in this world continues on even as I go about my daily routines. There is a battle going on every day that we get glimpses into from time to time (Ephesians 6: 10-20). Pray for me as I suit up in the armor of God daily. I will pray for you too.

" I had to walk the rocks to see the mountain view. Looking back I see the lead of love. "--Caedmon's Call

2008-09-23T16:07:00.005-05:00

Last week reminded me of the song listed in the title quote. Suffice to say, God is teaching me a lot in my daily times with him, though I have a lot left to learn (as cliche as that sounds). If you ask I will elaborate(:
Things are going well but, as always, not as quickly as I would have hoped. Been catching up on sleep, the Office on dvd, and fellowship with friends.
I leave Thursday for another fun filled two weeks of work crammed into 7 days. I do enjoy watching reruns of Jon and Kate Plus Eight and What Not To Wear on TLC from the confines of my hotel room before traveling to work.

Here's a funny blog I came across from my friend Dave (the pbb link) posted today. It's a website of badly decorated cakes. I thought it was funny anyway.
My friend, Alicia, also told me about a blog worthy of mention as well: http://thepioneerwoman.com/

Until next Friday, farewell.

" You must do the thing you cannot do"--Eleanor Roosevelt

2008-08-06T14:53:00.003-05:00

Trev and I leave next week to embark on our newest adventure: travel nursing. We ( I should say I and Trevor is going with me) are going to Temple, Texas to work at Scott and White Memorial Hospital. I will be working nights so it will be completely different. And yes Trev is trying to do a part time job while we are there. I will work 6 out of 7 days then come back to Shawnee for a week so Trev can work on projects here.
Why Temple,Texas? I am not sure, God only knows. All I know is our days off worked out perfectly!
Why Travel Nursing? This is something we have been talking about for a while.
1) We want to travel a bit before we "settle down."
2) I like to keep things interesting in my career.
3) We want to better our finances a little too. We need to do the hard things now so that later on I can decide to stay at home with kids instead of being required to work. We also desire to bless other people. We feel we can more adequately do this if our hands aren't tied financially. Debt ties one down significantly, so we have found out the hard way.
Please pray for us in our endeavor. I know some of you are going, "Wait! 6 out of 7 days and then traveling back to Shawnee every other week?" Yes I will be tired but well tended. I keep thinking of 1 Corinthians 9:27 " I beat my body and make it my slave so that after preaching to others I will not be disqualified for the prize."
This life was never promised to be easy! Quite the opposite is true. We must avoid the trap of the comfortable, easy life. May be God glorified in our lives always.

More Tri State

2008-08-02T17:21:00.010-05:00

Tri State 08

2008-08-02T17:00:00.013-05:00

Pictures!

2008-07-08T22:12:00.006-05:00

Here's some pics from a recent KC trip and Fourth of July!

"There I am in the spotlight...losing my religion."

2008-05-28T21:16:00.004-05:00

This song most accurately describes my day today. Yeah I got too frustrated and said some thing I should not have. I guess I just thought that if you work at something as hard as you can that patients might be, I don't know appreciative, or at least cordial.
This by no means, however, does not justify my actions and inappropriate words. I need to "love my enemies" which could be the people in my life who work against me and not for me. I am called to love those people too. I have learned that honesty is usually not the best policy unfortunately in my line of work.
So if you think about it, pray for me so that my co workers and patients can see Christ by looking at me. They are not seeing it now I'm pretty sure.
Psalm 59:10

Lord ,
Create in me a clean heart, renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Please pray for Lois Eschenbrenner

2008-05-27T21:25:00.002-05:00

Last week was a trying week for Lois Eschennbrenner who found out last week she is very ill. Pray for her comfort and healing as she recovers from surgery. Pray for both she and her family as Lois seeks out further treatment in the days to come.
Lois is someone I consider a mentor in my walk with the Lord. Her gentle and serving spirit even through this trial amazes me.

2008-05-07T23:23:00.004-05:00

Lame on!

2008-05-01T20:39:00.005-05:00

In honor Embrace the Lame Week (ETL)
My top five lamest things:

5) My fascination with garden gnomes.
Case in point. My "Can you dig it" Garden Gnome

4)My tiny front porch garden

3) "Part 3 of my confessions, if the first two were not enough to scare you away"... My fascination with Weird Al. If you got my quote, then you are a lame Weird Al fan too.

2) Self portraits in the driver's seat.

1) My irritation with major stations for preempting Lost with weather news!
I don't care about a tornado coming towards me, I want to watch Lost!

Heart Trouble

2008-04-21T14:51:00.003-05:00

As I read my daily (sometimes not so daily) Bible study last night I read Romans 12. Afterr my favorite verses I read something that I had never considered before. Paul says, "For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." Paul then goes on to talk about the different functions of the Body.
Now for someone like me who has chronically low self esteem, I am not sure how to take this statement. I know God views me as something precious and worthy of praise (Isaiah 63). I also have come to realize life is NOT about me. I intend to instill this bit of knowledge into my children, which is often lacking in this generation.
I also realize there are qualities in my life that need to change for me to be more like Christ. This is not an easy process, no not all. It is a process that is intentional and sacrificial. People do not change for the better unless they intentionally give of themselves. For the process to be complete that sacrifice has to be entire. This is the part which we called "gut check" time in track practice, when you get to the point where you either give it your all or just part.The point that made you a winner or just a participant. Or a whiner like me, Ouch, sad but true "Therefore I urge you as brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God, this your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12: 1-2

As an aside, life is better. Or maybe my perspective is better too. Spring is finally here. Trevor and I are gearing up for some more high speed insanity we like to call life. Pray for us as we ready for summer and the challenges and opportunities that will arise ( usually last minute if I know my husband well).

Warning: Contents Under Pressure!

2008-02-07T16:26:00.000-06:00

If there was a label on my life right now that is exactly what it would read. The storm clouds circle and just when I think its over, it starts raining again.
I guess I shouldn't be surprised, after all Jesus never said life would be easy. He just said he would be with me.
I have started doing Bible study again and I realize how much I crave structure and schedule. More than that I need God's power to move in my life.
On Wednesday nights, the ladies in my church started a Beth Moore study called Stepping Up: A Study of the Psalms of Ascent. How good it is to get face down before the Creator and seek Him. Oh but all the excuses I can come with to miss out on what he has for me. Last night I fell asleep doing the study. But I will not give up.
Like I said we have had hard times (hasn't everyone lately). As I was on the verge of tears last week the verses from Romans Chapter 5 came to mind. Suffering produces endurance, endurance, character, and character produces hope. And hope is something we all need to appear and stay!
As part of the study, we studied Psalm 121., which was recently skillfully put into song by the Songs from the Voice project.
He will not Rest, Christena Graves

When I look up
To the vast sides of the mountain
I know that my Creator
Will send the help I need
He will hold me
Firmly in the place I need to be
Never let his eyes leave me for a moment
He will not rest
He will not let us go
He will not rest
He will not let us go
The Lord keeps you so close
that his shadow is cooling shade to you
He'll keep your soul safe
From the first breath to the last breath that you breathe
He will not rest
He will not let us go
He will not rest
He will not let us go

A few more pictures

2008-01-07T23:12:00.000-06:00

Christmas did not work out as planned but we had a fun time. Here are a few pictures to chronicle
our adventures. Dave even came up last week as part of our New Year's celebration.

Update

2007-12-11T09:58:00.000-06:00

Here's a quick list of update (in no particular order)
-We are now moved to our "new" home.
- We have gas, water, and electric at our new home. We can also shower ( hot water tank works). Still need an electrician to look at the furnace, staying warm enough, for now.
-Lost some tree branches with the recent ice storm. We still have electricity unlike our friends the Greins.
-Jack took ill last Thursday morning.( If you want the details we will give them but for those with weak stomachs, let's leave it at that.) Trevor took him to the Animal Hospital on Thursday morning, where Jack stayed overnight, got IV fluids and antibiotics.
-Jack is back to his normal self, except for a spot on his right paw the vet had to shave for his IV.
-Dad (Hoppy) came up to help with the house Thursday - Sunday. His help was much appreciated.
-I am returning to Unity as part time. Not much will change. I will still do agency work 1-2 days a week.

-I guess that's about it. Oh and I think my amarylis is a dud. It still has not bloomed.

For those who ask about Christmas gifts I am now responding Bath and Body works Twisted Peppermint products (any kind), socks, indoor spice plants ( kitchen herbs like basil, dill, mint, cilantro), or indoor bulbs like narcissus, amarylis, etc.

On talking to plants

2007-11-03T23:07:00.001-05:00

I bought an amarylis plant the other day and have had the opportunity to watch it grow. After I provided it with the prescribed combination of soil, water, and sunlight it has grown, bit by little bit.
At first I thought I had killed it with too little water. Then I went on a trip and feared I had killed it with too little water and not enough sunlight. I try to remember to crack the shade and give it a sip of water when I pass by it. Of course, I tend to forget from time to time. Luckily, it seems to be a hardy plant so far.
Every time I pass by my plant, I am amazed by its progress. Every day it grows a little more. Slowly but surely I will have a beautiful red flower to look at and tend to.
Today as I checked on my plant, I whispered, "To the sky." I figured it needed some extra encouragement after a typical week of my neglect.

After the latest conflict with my husband, I have paused to reflect on my words to him. Unfortunately, I do not always speak as well to him as I do to my little plant. And like my plant sometimes I neglect to give my husband the prescribed things to make our marriage grow.
Sometimes I do things that unknowingly "tear down my home" like little things I see as comments, he sees as discouragements. After today I will make a concentrated effort to encourage my husband and even allow him room to fail. Because the truth is we all fail. And my husband has been there for me in some tough times. And if I can speak kindly to my plant, shouldn't I do more for my husband?
I'll keep you posted on my plant(;

Story of the Pumpkin Continued....

2007-10-30T20:35:00.001-05:00

Trevor began drawing on the pumpkin

Soon the pumpkin had a face... this one is a Star Wars one

This face is Strong Bad from Homestarrunner

This is one is a classic Jack-o- lantern

Then finally the pumpkin was aglow!

and aglow....

......and aglow!
Happy Halloween!
Happy Birthday to Hanna and Ashton too!

The story of the pumpkin

2007-10-13T14:25:00.000-05:00

Out in the pumpkin patch the story begins.

One pumpkin stood alone, the largest of its kind.

After negotiations, we welcomed the pumpkin with open arms.

Story to be continued.......

Pictures for your perusal

2007-10-13T09:50:00.000-05:00

Job hunt going well. Remember, Nurse recruiters can be so annoying! Pray for me as I seek God's direction.
I have a lot of pictures to catch up on! My lil bro got married on August 18. Oh there are some pics of Ruby, my best friend's niece, Grannie and Papa, Mom and Dad at the wedding.

On potholes and such

2007-10-07T16:45:00.000-05:00

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong, sometimes it is letting go." Herman Hesse

The title is from a dear friend who said all this mess with work was just a "pothole" in my career, that I would get through it or around it.
Well as most of you know by now, the meeting on Wednesday decided that, though I have improved it is not enough and that I am to move on from my current job. I am not bitter but am actively fighting bitterness. Now I know this is not where God wants me to be right now. I also know that I needed to take this opportunity to let me know that home health is not where I need to be now.
John Greenleaf Whittier in Maud Muller said it best, "For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: 'It might have been!' " Now is not that time for could have, would have, should have's.
My last day is Wednesday then I have basically have a week of paid vacation. What an opportunity to grow and understand what God has for me!
Though this is tough, I must not give up. "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9
I do not try to put all this "behind me." The bitterness and stress I will forget but not the comfort. I do not write my employers and coworkers off. I am grateful for all the kindness I have received.
With God's help I will not only get through this I will be better because of it. This song sums it up.

Crossroads

2007-09-21T07:24:00.000-05:00

"Don't ask for less problems, ask for more skills."
---Jim Rohn, The Day that Turns Your Life Around

Come listen to another series of ramblings in my head from the lastest drama that is my life.
It seems I am at another crossroads (and I am not talking about the cheesy movie with Brittany Spears either). This one is to stay---or not stay. That is the question.
Here's the gist without getting too detailed. Hah, that's funny when you see how long this post is! Its long but PLEASE read on. As some of you know I started a home health job about 3 months ago. I really stepped out on a limb to take this job because I truly believe God has designed me to be a nurse in a setting outside floor/hospital nursing. I was amazed the opportunity had come so quickly. I prayed and believed that this is what God wanted for me. And I know just because things are not going as I had hoped does not mean this is not what God intended. I praise God when adversities come, they make me stronger. (James Chapter 1)
Wednesday, it was brought to my attention that I am not doing as well as I thought. "Home health is not easy. You make lots of mistakes at first. That' s normal." This was what my supervisors and co-workers have told me for weeks. So when the bosses called me in for a closed door meeting and asked, "How do you feel things are going?" I replied, "Good, I have made mistakes, I know what to do now because of them." The administrator replied, "Yes, you have some problems. Things are not progressing as well as we had hoped. You are not where you should be at three months." She continued to tell me that I have made the same mistakes over and over with little or no signs of improvement. She also told me about my "lack of cordiality and rapport with my patients." That is the part I am still not getting.
I love my patients and fight for them. Reportedly, my supervisors talked to my patients and co-workers about my patient interaction. According to my administrator, they concluded I am too "cut and dry." Well yeah I am. But I love my patients! The meeting continued to inform me I have two weeks to improve my paperwork and form rapport with my patients or I will be terminated.
Wow. Talk about a ton of bricks to drop on somebody. Without seeming too critical of the orientation process of becoming a nurse, I am about to become very critical of the whole orientation process.
I thought this morning about how we as human beings are designed by God with a distinct purpose in mind. With saying this though, I realize we also draw a lot of our sense of our world from our experiences and environment. I think back to when I first became a nurse. Realize nursing school has a little to do with that but one's first job can very influential.
I think about Vanessa. Vanessa was my first preceptor at St Luke's when I did not know a thing about working in the hospital. Vanessa was a Phillipino lady who stood about 5 feet tall. What Vanessa lacked in height she made up for in personality. She proudly recognized that co-workers called her "Hitler" due to her sometimes not so kind,commanding, get-it-done-now, approach to nursing. She taught me time management in the sense that "You can't talk to patients! You too busy!" She argued with me once when I asked a CNA for help with getting a patient to cooperate to get a BP. "You the RN! If you can't do it, no one can!" I still hear her saying, "You behind. This should be done, NOW!" She frequently reduced me to tears. Her cattle prod approach to nursing taught me time management. It can also account for my tendency to be brusque, and to put it frankly, very "cut and dry" at times.
St Luke's had an amazing orientation that allowed sufficient time to orient, about six months on the floor I worked on. (Other places say they will allow enough time but frequently don't) When I moved to nights, it was still hectic. Most of the time the nurses were the secretary, aide, and own supervisor rolled into one. Nicole took up the task of training me next. Nicole was the sweetest, most efficient nurse. She patiently taught me how to draw blood, start IV's, handle patient complaints, while remaining calm. Unfortunately, some of Vanessa's survival techniques stuck. I fear I treated Nicole badly because when I finally got on my own I was scared. And it was hard and that is not an excuse. I thank Nicole for all she did. And even Vanessa. If I had not been trained well there were numerous occasions I would have quit.
The orientation at each place after St Luke's was fair to poor at best. Julie will admit she did not have time to really train me at Baptist and I really did well from the beginning due to my experiences at St Luke's. I trained for maybe a two weeks with Julie and then I was on my own.
Orientation at Unity, well let's just say the preceptor and I didn't mix well. I found myself doing most of HER work for her at the end. Oh and I discovered frequently rules that were not explained or even mentioned. I told my nursing supervisor NOT to train anyone with this nurse ever again. I hope she listened.

And lastly, this orientation experience currently has been thrown together at best. It is not to say people haven't bent over backwards for me. And this is not to say I did not follow excellent caring nurses. I love the people I work with and for, they are the best. Thus far, I think this might be the best job I've had. I just think, for me, the orientation process wasn't organized in such a way to help me succeed. And this past week doesn't make it all bad. It can be the day that turns my life around if I let it.
People at my job have been encouraging me for weeks. They have patted me on the back for being patient with my mistakes. Now I fear my mistakes will be the end of me there. I understand its because I keep making the same mistakes. And its not because I'm not trying. Its because I don't get it-- yet.

I feel if a problem exists in the orientation process, it should not be up to the orientee to bring it up. Especially when the orientee has been told over and over that this is "normal." If a problem develops and the bosses see it, I feel they have the responsibility to bring it up to the orientee in a timely fashion. What I find most overwhelming is two things . 1) I feel I am doing well (I was on call BY MYSELF WITH LITTLE INSTRUCTION THREE WEEKS into the job!) all things considered. 2) I have two weeks to fix a "personality problem" that I didn't even know I have.

And with saying all this please pray for my sanity. I want to use this past Wednesday to improve, but I am overwhelmed. Please pray that I would go where I need to go and have the conversations I need to have. And thank you for listening/reading my thoughts. I know I probably shouldn't divulge this but this its my blog and my job. This has nothing to do with private stuff except for what is private to me and I am sharing with readers who I know care about me. Thank you

Heroes?

2007-09-11T20:45:00.000-05:00

Well our Internet is back up so I guess you have the privilege of listening to a rambling thought of mine.
I finished watching the first season of Heroes. The story begins when a group of seeming normal people find out they are extraordinary through a series of events. One man can fly. Another can read people's thoughts. Still one more has super strength. As the story continues to unfold, the heroes find out they all will take part in a major world altering event. Each person discovers how he or she can help save the world.
This show strikes a chord with so many of us who search for meaning and significance to our existence. I have wondered often long and hard about how I was made with a "special" purpose in mind that can be accomplished by no one but me. A hero if you want to think about it that way.
Maybe it is the little child in me that cries, "Notice what I can do that no one else can!" I even find myself among the body of believers thinking, "If only I could _____, I would be significant." I go on week by week believing in my heart that no one notices me. When someone actually does forget about me, this convinces me all the more.
It is then I am convinced of my hero ability, the power of invisibility. People forget about me, yes. It is good people trust me and do not feel threatened by me. It is not so positive when people fail to remember me. Or even in some instances flat out ignore me.
I know, I know God remembers me. He knew me before I was born (Psalm 139: 13). He sings a song of rejoicing over me (Zephaniah 3:17). I am the most precious thing to him. I am part of Him (Isaiah 62:3).
I know these things to be true. I also know if the body does not work together, the world dies.
Our mission is to save a world decaying from within. Our world rots away as sin destroys the perfect world our Father has made. The only hope we have is to look to God for answers on how we can work together and rely on Him.
The heroes encounter each other on that faithful day to find out--they need each other. They discover if they work alone, evil will destroy the world. If they don't purposefully and sacrificially use their abilities to the fullest, they will fail.
The same is true of the Church. If we deny we need each other, as I have done for so long because of the pain of rejection, the Church will fail. The purpose of the Church is the same our Lord's "to seek and save that which was lost." We have to believe in each other, and in our Lord's will, or all will be lost. Then we will be truly heroes and save the world.

And I remember
Yes he included me. Jesus included me. When the Lord said whosoever, he included me.

And that must be all I need.

Internet out

2007-08-05T21:49:00.000-05:00

Internet out, please call instead(:

"New" Truck

2007-07-31T18:42:00.003-05:00

Does anybody want to know about our truck? Ask Trevor (:

2007-07-31T18:37:00.000-05:00

Service: Can anybody tell me what's up with this? I needed to get a trim badly and knew I probably
wouldn't have to time to get into a scheduled hair appt so I go back to Cost Cutters. I had avoided going there because the last time I went there the lady hung her comb on my ear like 5 times and seemed to be too much of a hurry to get on break. I thought well I have gotten my hair cut there before that incident and it was ok.
I drive to Cost Cutters and it wasnt too busy so I think, "This should be more pleasant." I was wrong and she got no tip. Note I ALWAYS tip at those type places, but this was, in my opinion, bad. She hung her comb on my left ear three times and once pretty roughly. I guess I need to learn to yell out, "That hurts!" I know my ears stick out my head but they are attached to my head! My ear is still red. I wonder if they teach this type thing in Cost Cutters school or what? It was quick is all I can say. Hey Cost Cutters ladies if you need to take a break, take one, and don't cut my hair.
I'm get tired of people in service doing stuff like this. They herd you through like cattle and then expect a reward! Nope, sorry. Hopefully I don't treat you like that when you are my patient. The moral of this story is, I will make a hair appt for 6 weeks from now and not at Cost Cutters!

Tri State and More

2007-07-29T22:32:00.000-05:00

Here's a few pictures from Tri State and the weekend with the fam. I have continued working this past week. This week is my first weekend "on my own." Trevor and I have been and will be busy but are doing well.

Updates

2007-07-07T23:54:00.000-05:00

Well where to start...

Falls Creek was good. Trevor and I go to the Falls Creek service at Calvary tomorrow night
Trevor has been working on Star Wars display at Paul's Valley Action Figure Museum
Hot Wheels Double Dog Dare Derby (try to say that one three times fast!) was today in Paul's Valley
Monday I start my home health job at Heartland
Tri-State camp is the week after next

Hope next week goes well for you all too!

Arkansas Christian Union Camp

2007-06-25T09:23:00.000-05:00

Last week Trevor and I helped with the Arkansas Christian Union Camp. Here's some pictures of our adventures. Sorry no pictures on the river. We canoed down a creek on last Monday but didn't want to risk our camera.
This week is Falls Creek with Calvary. Praying for another good week. Yes that is a picture of Trev with pantyhose on his head, a random pic the youth took of cows, and a giant picture of Jesus as a coach.

Onto more important matters(:

2007-06-03T16:51:00.000-05:00

Guess what we finally picked up? You guessed it ......the fifth season of Scrubs! So how about Scrubs at my house? I have watched 6 episodes so far and it is hilarious. I need a break, well yeah I had one last week but it was short lived. I worked 17 hours yesterday after 2 12 hour days before that. I am supposed to have tomorrow off as a trade but we'll see...

Weekend in Missouri

2007-05-30T15:34:00.000-05:00

While Trevor was in LA attending Celebration 4 ( see his blog for details), I was in Missouri hanging out with the rest of the fam. Here are some really cute pics of the nieces. The first of one is of Emily Grace when I took her to McDonald's on Friday.

Random Useless Facts

2007-05-14T19:11:00.000-05:00

Since my last few posts have been so dark and introspective(maybe I've been reading too much Dark Tower) here's one of those cutesy
all about me surveys(: Please comment and participate!

1) What is your current ring tone? for specific callers?

Well for most callers, Rain Song by Day of Fire (good song); for Trevor, Super Mario Bros(per his request), Greins, Blue Monday; Pringles, I want to know what love is; Emily, Questions by Jack Johnson; Work/Unity, Welcome to the Jungle (I think this is hilarious, "Its gonna make you bleed!') If you want another one let me know for now this is all the ring tones I can afford!

2) What's for dinner tonight?

Hamburger helper with beans. I'm neither creative or ambitious tonight. However I had turkey burgers for lunch. Mmmm juicy.

3) What song do you have in your head now?

Its a toss up between David Crowder's B Collison verson of I Saw the Light (Bluegrass
Style) or I Want to Know What Love Is

4) What is something I gets me excited?
SNOWCONES!! I have only had one so far this year.

5)Favorite snowcone flavor?

Probably Wedding Cake or Strawberry Cheesecake, I also like Blue Coconut

6) What is the last book you read?
Dark Tower VI: Wolves of the Calla Over 700 pages!

7) Favorite verse
Lately John 14:15 Look it up, yeah I haven't memorized it but I DO know what it says(:

8) Current Bathsoap?
Bath and Body Works Spearmint Eucalyptus Stress Relief

9) What do you plan to do tonight?
Eat dinner, watch at least one movie (rented Children of Men), I don't know what else

10) Favorite Yoga Position?
Hmm the Corpse Pose comes to mind(:

11) Current drink of choice?

Dr Pepper with Pure Sugar Cane Sugar!

12)Favorite Scrubs episode?
so hard to choose, probably My Monster, My Hero, or the one with Micheal J Fox and the rooftop toilet

That's all folks!

I'm a stranger in this land.....

2007-05-14T17:26:00.000-05:00

Last week was not the most peaceful week so I took an opportunity to learn about peace.
1) Peace is active. Psalms 34:14 says to "pursue peace."
2) Peace goes hand and hand with strength (The Lord gives strength to his people. the lord blesses his people with peace.")
3) Peace requires walking straight, righteousness. (Ps 37:31)
4) The person who loves the "law" or the Word of God has peace. Ps 119:165
5) Peace is an aspect of a person. Ps 120:7 talks about a man OF peace.
6) Jesus is our peace. Micah 5:5 "He will be their peace."
7) Peace is not of this world. Only Jesus can give us peace. John 14:15
"Peace I leave you, My Peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled."

I have been struggling with people "of this world" hating me. But Jesus told me I should be suprised. The world hates and longs for the peace I have in Christ at the same time. I must hold my tongue much. I pray that at some point I would have encouragement from where I work, which can be a very dark place for me. I have very little. People have bad attitudes and bad things are happening to people. I must SPEND TIME WITH JESUS to keep that my peace strong. I can't let someone else's bad attitude become my own. I long to share my light and peace but sometimes I feel like I am shining a little penlight in a huge dark room. I pray God will make that light enough. Even when I fail...

2007-04-12T16:54:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to post a little note about a few things God is doing in my life.
I am learning to be less selfish. Be patient, I said I was learning. I also have some major issues with anger I am just recently begun to work on. Again be patient. I am trying to not let silly little things bother me. My group of friends, especially Alicia, encourage me a lot. Iam realizing slowly but surely that I do not have to always be acknowledged. Or "petted." I say this as in, expecting people to say " O good job, Amanda showing up to work today." I just need to stop expecting that. I have learned from my husband that expecting things is not always a good thing. Anyway, a note to my group of friends that all is well. Really. Thanks.

Top ten reasons I didn't answer my phone today

2007-04-09T19:59:00.000-05:00

Here's the scoop. At the hospital, nurses and aides have to carry phones with them and I become more and more annoyed by the thing. Here are the top ten reasons I didn't answer it:

10) The battery has a life of about 3 minutes and it has ALREADY gone dead for the fifth time in a row.
9) I'm hiding from the doctors, they might find something for me to do (Actually they are probably busy ignoring MY page)
8) I'm hiding from the crazy family members who call at 7:30 AM to ask how Aunt Sally "is doing." ( I don't know, I haven't seen them yet and even if I had I can't tell you,please call later so you can interrupt what I'm dong again)
7)I'm hiding from all the people who want something RIGHT NOW at shift change.
6) I am up to my elbows in something. Use your imagination.
5) I actually found five minutes to go the bathroom so I didn't pee my pants, thank you.
4)I ate my phone due to my extreme hunger. You hear it ringing? Yeah its actually in my colon. You mind answering for me.
3)My phone accidentally fell in the toilet and I accidentally flushed it. Refer to # 5.
2)My phone accidentally fell on the floor and I accidentally stepped on it.
1) It's amazing my phone learned to fly...out the window! I can fly, I can fly, I can fly!

Easter/ Stanley's Birthday

2007-04-07T20:47:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is the day we celebrate the resurrection of our saviour. Not only did he die for us, he rose again on the third day! Disciples came looking for Jesus at his tomb and the angel said, "Why do you look for the living among the dead?" Jesus is alive!
Makes me think of the chorus for a hymn I love:
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, all fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future, life is worth the living
Just because He lives.

Also of note, it is our adopted World Vision child's birthday tomorrow.Stanley lives in
Haiti and he turns 10 tomorrow! Happy Birthday Stanley!

Old Tyme Pics

2007-03-25T18:18:00.000-05:00

Here are two sets of photos from Eureka Springs. The way blogger loads is weird but last year's are the 1930's era. This year's are the western ones.

Pics from the trip

2007-03-23T16:40:00.000-05:00

Here's some pics from our trip to Eureka Springs. Note that we lost our digital camera so some of these would have been better. Maybe Trev's camera will give us better ones.
I also had some fake smile going on, don't know what that's all about(:

Anniversary #1

2007-03-18T08:27:00.000-05:00

Some of you may remember what happened this day one year ago. Yes it was a cold and rainy day in March when we will all gathered together to celebrate our wedding. We've already thawed out the cake (not bad I might add, tastes almost "fresh"). We've made arrangements for our child, Jack (thanks Scott and Kendal). We're going to pack our wedding dvd (thanks John!). Now all we have to do is pack and head out to Eureka Springs. You might see us at church this morning. Then again you may not. Check out the ME link on my page for my blog entry and profile song on my Myspace. Ah good memories. Here's some pics just for fun....

A bloody mess!

2007-03-10T18:07:00.000-06:00

The Stories Continue...
One of the patients was quite confused yesterday. He was sitting up in the hall so we could keep an eye on him when I arrived. He asked me, "What movie is it that we are in again? I forgot." I remind him he is in the hospital and I am his nurse (the proper thing to do).
Later on in the afternoon he asked,"Excuse me. I am in Fort Worth and I need to know what stop is my stop." Now he thought he was on the train. He commented to other nurses, "Man, this train sure goes slow!" At least he was pleasantly confused. Apparently, he thought I was mean because I keep telling him he had better stay in his
seat. "She's a mean nurse," he told someone. Oh well at least he believed me.

Let me tell you first that I have spiked blood, oh at least a hundred times in my nursing career and I have never done this before! After verifying patient identity, one must don gloves and carefully pull apart the end of the blood and insert the spike from the IV tubing. I went to spike some yesterday (the 2nd unit I might add) and it didn't stay spiked, it kinda slipped out. I knew I needed to get the end of the bag back up but blood was going everywhere and I was trying to avoid a) dousing my patient and her robe on the chair b) myself. The family asked if they could go get someone I said, "Yes and quickly!" Terri and the techs helped me save at least half the bag (I had to call the dr later to let him know what had happened since the patient didnt get the whole bag. He couldn't understand this.). One tech exclaimed, "It's like a murder scene!" Another said, "It's a bloody mess!" But we did manage to avoid the patient, her clothes, the bed, and I only spattered a little on my shoes. It was a pain however, mopping up blood which ShellyAnne, bless her soul, stayed and helped me with. A bloody fine mess indeed.

Bad Day

2007-03-07T19:37:00.000-06:00

Sorry for the depressing last two posts. Last night, I knocked my glasses off the counter in the bathroom effectively breaking them in half. I also developed a severe sore throat and fever a 9:00 last night.
Today my awesome husband took me to get new glasses and the AM/PM clinic to get antibiotics. Meanwhile, and a hundred dollars later, Trevor got ill and we spent the remainder of the afternoon sick in bed. The good points were that I can see again with spiffy new glasses and fixed up with antibiotics. So hopefully my husband and I will be going to work feeling 100% better.

Update: We took Trev to AM/PM and discovered that Trev has strep throat. So we are both at home recovering.

"Shine your light and let the whole world see.."

2007-03-05T11:57:00.000-06:00

Today is better than Saturday night. Let's just say Trev and I didn't agree. It was part selfishness and partly constantly trying to understand each other. I am still trying to figure out what my role is in friendships, my marriage, at work, etc.
Work is one of those places where I just don't feel like I fit in. I just don't feel like my co-workers really care about me as a person, what I do, etc. Don't know why this bothers me now, never really has before. And it likely may be MY fault. Lately, I just feel like I am very snippy with patients who are demanding (calling EVERY FIVE MINUTES for whatever). I want to be a light for Christ wherever I am but I'm just not. I struggle a lot with who I am. As prayed about this Saturday night, I confessed my bad attitude. God reinforced that I make him happy NOW by just being me.
Isaiah 62 is the place where God always brings me back to. God says I "have a new name given by GOD himself." And I will "be a crown of splendor in the Lord's hand." He "rejoices over me!"
I felt a little better but drew Trev in an argument and was still upset by Sunday morning at church. We came in late to a song that says

Song: Mighty to Save
Everyone needs compassion,
And love that never fails,
Let mercy fall on me

Everyone needs forgiveness,
Kindness of the Saviour
The Hope of nations

(Chorus:)
Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My god is mighty to save,
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again

I give my life to follow
Everything that i’d believe in
Now i surrender (and i surrender)

(Chorusx2)

(Bridge:)
Shine a light in and let the whole world see
Singing, for the glory of the risen king
Jesus, Shine a light and let the whole world see
Singing for the glory of the risen king

(Chorus)

(Bridge:)

When I got to the bridge I couldn't sing it. The tears started because I want so badly to be that light at work but just can't find the balance. Either I'm snippy and rude or I get run over. God still encourages me with His word in Isaiah but I still feel like there has to be something more I can do at work. I don't know if any of this makes sense. Probably doesn't. Just pray for me as God sorts it out.

"Sharks are like dogs...."

2007-03-03T22:46:00.000-06:00

"Sharks are like dogs...they only bite if you touch their private parts."

Yes, this from "our" movie 50 First Dates, the first movie Trevor asked me to three years ago yesterday. We watched it tonight after a rousing game of Star Wars Trivial Pursuit with the Greins and Pringles. Hard to believe Trev and I have only REALLY known each other three years (well you could argue we didn't know each other until we got married but we won't go there) Somehow it is a fitting movie for us(: In less than a month we will have been married a year. Wow. Here's another of "our" moments.
Here's a link to our favorite song. Altogether now: awww. By the way, Jack Johnson's In Between Dreams album is something worth checking out.

2007-03-01T18:05:00.000-06:00

The last two days have been good. Kendal picked me up yesterday to go work out at the Y. We participated in a weight circuit workout and how I hurt today. It was a lot of fun though. Then I went to Stillwater to meet Leslie and Ephraim. Of course we went shopping,etc. Ephraim is getting so big! Today I went to work out again at the Y and did a Yogalates workout. Again it was hard, but good. Finished off today with Bible Study over I Thessalonians 3. Not bad at all.

This Weekend

2007-02-20T10:44:00.000-06:00

Wow what a weekend! Trevor and I not only went to the Family Vision weekend, we also went to Louisiana on Sunday and came back yesterday. On the way back we did some shopping in Norman and we met with Kevin Stark at the Action Figure Museum in Paul's Valley. Trev is working on a project for this summer. So today I am cleaning up around the house and maybe get to visit with Kim(:

The Vision

2007-02-18T23:47:00.000-06:00

Trevor and I attended a Family Vision conference this weekend. We learned how to create our vision statement and were able to think and pray about our family values. No, we are not expecting but this is our family, at least right now.

Taylor Family Vision Statement:
The Taylors Live Like No One Else.

I won't recount the rest of our Vision statements now but the main one is that we live a life of worship. (Romans 12: 1-2) That's how we live like no one else. I am sure we will continue to tweak it but that's it for now.
This is part of the vision we want to pass on to generations to come!

Thanks to all our friends and family who support us in so many ways now!

Better than I Deserve...

2007-02-18T23:42:00.000-06:00

"Doing better than I deserve."
Dave Ramsey says this all time on his radio show. I feel it applies to how I feel about
life right now. Things have not been easy but Trevor and I are moving closer to our first anniversary. Wow, how time flies.
Professionally, spiritually, socially I still have a long way to go in life. I just say
be patient with me, God is not finished with me yet.

My Husband Continues to Do Well

2007-02-16T08:02:00.000-06:00

Not only did Trev get me a mixer, he also cooked steaks, fixed a fancy salad, and arranged a candlelit dinner after I arrived home on Wednesday night. He said he went to
Walmart earlier that day and was amazed by all the plastic baubles you can buy for your loved one. He said I am worth much more than that. Awww. I guess I am worth quality steaks (: That's pretty good in my book.

Valentines Day Came Early

2007-02-12T21:54:00.000-06:00

I wanted to show off the Valentines present my husband gave me last week. I already made a Dr Pepper cake.

Movie Plans

2007-02-09T13:45:00.000-06:00

Here's a movie title that got me excited, The Last Sin Eater. It is based on a novel by Francine Rivers, one of my favorite authors. Coincidentally, it is also directed by Michael Landon, Jr. It seems lately a lot of quality Christian films have been produced. ( Some would argue against me about the reliability of this claim since Mr Landon has done a lot of the Love Comes Softly books. I actually enjoy those books.) I hope to see it tonight, if I can get Trev to go. For those of you who have never heard of the book, check out the website for the movie.

Update: Kendal and I saw the movie on Sunday and it was pretty good. At least we enjoyed it.

Finding Time to Read

2007-01-26T16:04:00.000-06:00

Several weeks later, I have finished Failing Forward, How to Make the Most of Your Mistakes by John Maxell. I enjoyed it enough and parts were encouraging. I usually try to have the mindset of my mistakes make me better. For instance, when I get lost, I learn a new way to go somewhere. Well I guess except when I go to Alicia's house and I get lost about every time.
Note: I did make it to Alicia's last time without calling her. I did get turned around but instead of getting frustrated, I simply realized from getting lost so many other times I was going the wrong way.
I recommend the book overall.

Days off

2007-01-18T10:31:00.000-06:00

I have had a few much needed days off this week. I feel like I have keep pretty busy though. Monday, we went sledding at the Manions. Tuesday, I did some computer training at the hospital. Yesterday, I had a meeting at Baptist over a case. Trevor went with me and we used our Olive Garden gift card his mom gave us for Christmas. Thanks Carla and Terry! It was good. We also were able to see some friends in OKC we haven't seen in a while. And today, thanks to sweet Angel, I get to go to the biweekly Women's Bible Study. I have plans to go to Thirsty Thursday as well. Its been a pretty good week all in all, barring the reason I went to Baptist (which wasn't too bad after all) and some bad news we received earlier this week. I also have to thank my wonderful husband for driving me everywhere the last few days on the skating ponds that are the side roads in Shawnee. Hopefully the weather isn't too bad ( or any worse than its been) so I can sleep in my own bed this weekend. I better stop distracting myself so I can get my Bible Study done!

2007-01-16T14:13:00.000-06:00

Well after the ice this weekend just trying to lay low I guess. Avoiding work, I worked all weekend and I need a break! Just looking for God's miracles. The biggest one is a healed heart. You say your heart needs healing? Fall down in view of God's grace. He will carry your burdens and make you clean.
I Peter 5:7 He cares for you.

2007-01-14T23:24:00.001-06:00

Many new ways to choose joy....

Choose joy!

2007-01-08T13:54:00.000-06:00

Hello everyone. Trevor and I went to Gordon again this weekend to help out with Disciple Now. For those of you who don't know, Disciple Now is a weekend designed to disciple youth through Bible study, discussion, and craziness! The group is divided up and stay in host homes of church members. Gordon's DNow this year involved a scavenger hunt, coffee shop, and a service project on Saturday morning (ours was raking leaves). It was a pretty tight schedule with little sleep. Sorry I have no pics since Trevor was wanted to be in charge of the camera. We even saw Travis, Kim and Addison Pringle!
I always learn a lot from the kids and not to mention some pretty cool adults like Claudette and Ed and Christina DeMichele. The tragedy that happened about 3 weeks ago is still fresh on everyone's heart. The speaker also brought up how to choose joy by producing the fruits of
Spirit. I had often struggled with why I just can't "be patient." The reason why I discovered is that you must be growing fruit to produce fruit. In other words its a process and does not happen overnight. So I will be looking for opportunities to Choose Joy when things come my way.

2007-01-04T21:08:00.000-06:00

I finished a fictional book lately called Blessed Child by Ted Dekker and Bill Bright. The child has miraculous powers about which many speculate the source. As it turns out the boy can walk in the kingdom further than most people can. Raised in an Ethopian monastery by a monk who teaches him about the kingdom of God, the child knows no other way but to walk in the kingdom. The child knows that the world, as C.S Lewis puts it is "Children busily playing making mud pies in the slums unaware that just beyond the horizon is a vacation by the sea."
I have been trying to think about the kingdom of God. As the book pointed out so well that we start on a walk with God to only venture a few steps in the kingdom. How do I keep walking in the kingdom? In the Gospel of Matthew Jesus states, " The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it he sold all he had to buy the field."
Seems like I am not sold out for anything these days much less the kingdom. Perhaps if I knew how to sell out for that field I could be on my way.

Christmas with the Procters

2006-12-29T17:16:00.000-06:00

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The last three days Trevor and I visited Gordon for Christmas. We also saw the Dr Pepper Bottling Plant, a basketball tournament game and Claudette. Here's some illustrations for our journey. For more information of Dublin Dr Pepper visit www.dublindrpepper.com

So this is Christmas and what have you done?

2006-12-26T00:09:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas everyone! Tomorrow, Trevor and I head to Texas for Christmas with my family. Here's a song that makes me think of how Christmas is a time to think about our Saviour and what we've done this year.

Christmas and Everything Else

2006-12-20T22:07:00.000-06:00

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We made our annual Christmas trip to Iowa and Missouri last week after a little late start. Let's just say I started the early celebration of my birthday over the porcelain chair.
Saturday, we (Trev, me, Jessica, Tyson,and Jess and Ty's mini poodle, Lucky) drove to Winterset, Iowa, birthplace of John Wayne to celebrated Christmas with my mother-in-law. My brother-in-law, Tyson and I almost share the same birthday. Good times.
Sunday, started out with a Christmas play at church starring our adorable nieces and nephew. We also had the big Taylor/Kalbus clan Christmas with the second annual Taco Bar/ Gift Exchange. I think Dylan had the best Christmas of all with the Pirates of the Carribean ship.
Monday, we hung out with Dylan and the nieces. That night we had dinner with the Danners.
Tuesday, I finally got to celebrate my birthday at the Cheesecake Factory in the Kansas City Plaza. It was splendid. I definitely recommend. And now

I Celebrate the Day

2006-12-11T16:12:00.000-06:00

It was a long week last week again. I felt so blessed to be part of the celebration of Don Manion's life. Makes me think about how I live mine. Please continue to pray for some people who are truly amazing and truly hurting.
I also ask you would remember the community of Gordon in your prayers too. One of the youth has committed suicide and all are struggling to understand.
To everyone: When you think about your life, remember you are loved. Think of the gift God gave you.

RELIENT K LYRICS

"I Celebrate The Day"

And with this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let You know how much You've touched my life
Because here is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's eve
And from a lack of my persistency
We're less than half as close as I want to be

And the first time
That You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever

And so this Christmas I'll compare the things I felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That You have come to meet me here

To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me
In the hope that what You did
That you were born so I might live
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me

And I, I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day pray for You to save my life

[ www.azlyrics.com ]

Newness

2006-12-07T20:44:00.000-06:00

Our new fridge arrived Tuesday. Yeah. I sure it's about to get loaded with pics and food.

Nothing exciting

2006-12-03T16:16:00.000-06:00

On Friday our fridge went out. Our awesome landlords are buying us a new one but it won't get here til Tuesday at the earliest. We have been keeping things cold outside for the last few days but it is due to warm up tomorrow. Frustration. Any tips on how to cook and provide meals with no fridge. Even some nice cold ice from the freezer will be sweet after this!

Snowed in

2006-12-01T12:21:00.000-06:00

The people from up North are probably laughing at my title but for Oklahoma we are snowed in. In fact, the plows didn't start on Kickapoo St (major street in Shawnee) until around 10:00. Barely made it to and from work yesterday. I guess we got about 8 inches of snow.

Here's some pictures I took with my camera phone yesterday at the hospital, a funny picture of Jack hating me taking his picture, my toes
(I should show my toes after I lost feeling in them) and pictures around the house today. Notice my feet are buried in the front yard. And so far its too powdery for snowballs. I checked. Maybe later today I will build a snowman.

Stillwater Visit

2006-11-28T20:48:00.000-06:00

Today, Leslie and I had pedicures done to celebrate her feet being normal again. Of course Ephraim came along for the ride. Unintentionally we got the same pedicure, a red polish with a white flower-with blue jewels design ( and no I am not going to include a picture this time).
I also got a leg massage to go with it. Tomorrow, I head back to the salt mines.

Update

2006-11-27T11:14:00.000-06:00

Well the eye is doing somewhat better. I can see for the most part but it is hazy. The eye dr says that it is still irritated and not completely healed so I will take one steroid drop a day. Who knew eye problems could last so long? Keep praying for a recovery....I hope it goes quicker than it has so
far.

Thanksgiving

2006-11-24T21:41:00.000-06:00

Well I got a few pics of my family on my camera phone but for now I guess our Thanksgiving is for the dogs. (No it wasn't that bad either) We also saw Todd and Rachel, which I may get posted later, in Denton on Wednesday. They are doing well. Todd's in taking some dental school prereq's.
The big dog is my brother Marcus' named Rufus. He's a Beagle/Lab. The little dog is Dot and she is some kind of Rat Terrier/Chihuahua/Wienie Dog mix. And of course don't forget Jack Daniels who is Rottweiler/Beagle. I guess that's enough Mutt Show-and-Tell.

Welcome, Ephraim James!

2006-11-19T17:54:00.000-06:00

Jonathon and Leslie Hall welcomed Ephraim James into the world on Monday, November 13. Yesterday, Trevor and I went to see them in Stillwater. Ephraim was able to attend his own baby shower! We are so excited for the Halls. Mom and baby are doing well.

Please call

2006-11-13T15:43:00.000-06:00

I received my "new" phone in the mail today and it is activated!
I ,however, have no motivation to do anything constructive around the house. I work the next three days and that fact is not motivating whatsoever. Mainly I think I am still frustrated with the slow progress of the eye. It is still quite blurry and sensitive to light. Tired of putting drops in my eye 5 times a day and ready to have my bearings about me again.

Jennifer and Matt's Wedding

2006-11-13T14:35:00.000-06:00

Saturday, November 11, was my friend Jennifer's wedding. It was a very pretty wedding with few mishaps.

Cell Phone

2006-11-09T05:54:00.000-06:00

I better get ready for work but I broke my cell phone in half this morning, may it rest in peace. Lost a lot of numbers I won't be getting back. Hopefully, we can get Mom to mail one to us overnight. Thanks Mom!

Weekly Update

2006-11-06T13:47:00.000-06:00

Friday: I went out with the girls (Kendal, Alicia, Peggy, Kim, and Addison) for Ladies Night. We ended up going out to Santa Fe. It was a lot of fun.

Saturday/Sunday: I worked at the hospital. I ended up being the Charge Nurse for the weekend, it was actually pretty interesting. I also found out how disgusting Flagyl (an antibiotic) is. I still can't drink water without a disgusting aftertaste. I will apologize to all those patients who complained it was nasty.

Monday: Today I am running errands. Trevor and I are also going to have dinner with the Manions tonight.

Better get started on that dinner! The eye is better but slowly getting there. I am trying to be patient with my eye.

Trick or Treat

2006-10-31T20:37:00.000-06:00

Tonight I had the privilege to go trick-or-treating with the Greins. I went with a witch, a Stitch, Captain Jack Sparrow, a rock star, and a fairy. All in all we had a lot of fun. Sorry Kendal, don't mean to steal your show if you are gonna post pics.

On the mend

2006-10-31T14:11:00.000-06:00

Well I can see but its still quite blurry. I may be wearing the patch to work in the AM to save myself a tremendous headache. Trusting God with all the things to make it through this week. Hubby gone again to San Antonio. Seen him here and there this past week.
Leslie and Jonathan drove out to see us last night. Leslie is such a cute pregnant lady, as I knew she'd be. Leslie and I are addicted to the show Scrubs so we watched about 5 episodes last night. The boys- ahem- sorry men, talked about Stephen King and Star Wars collecting the entire evening.
Today I am hanging out at home. I was so excited to get the invite to go trick-or-treating with the Greins! Its gonna be a blast!

I can see!

2006-10-29T09:47:00.001-06:00

After almost a week of treatment, I can finally open my eye and see. Its pretty blurry and sensitive to light (probably because of the dilation) but it looks and feels a lot better. Thanks to all who have prayed for it. Continue to pray for the ulceration to heal completely.
I got a little stir crazy yesterday but Kendal saved me by taking me by Hollywood Video so I could rent the rest of the first season of Scrubs. I really like that show-- its funny and pretty accurate as far as I can tell.
Today I am going to church with the Greins (Micheal and Elise) and will probably take it easy the rest of the day. Trevor got in at about 2 or 3 o'clock last night, and left at this morning at 6:00 for west of San Antonio. He should be back about 2 or 3 again but at least he's off tomorrow. I can't wait for Halloween to be over. I get the eye checked again tomorrow. I guess that's about it.

Greetings from the blind one

2006-10-27T12:22:00.000-05:00

Well for those of you don't know I woke up Monday morning with excrutiating pain, extreme sensitivity to light, and my left eye swollen shut. The doctors are still unsure of what caused this eye infection (which has caused a milimeter long ulceration on my eye, I guess from whatever it is munching on my cornea). Some theories are that this is the herpes simplex virus ( which 80% of people have been exposed to and have floating around in their bloodstream), shingles, or just some combo of bacterial and viral infection of unknown origin. I am now taking a steady regimen of eye drops/ ointments all day long. Things I know for sure: I will not be able to wear contacts again, Lortab makes me nauseous, and I don't like sunlight these days, I have some pretty amazing friends who have cooked for me, tucked me in bed and have been my eyes for me the last week, and an amazing husband who has patience with me in all this. Things I am waiting on: if I can have Lasik surgery done later( depends on how well the ulceration heals), just seeing how long this will take to heal. I have already missed three days of work but I guess, luckily had some overtime scheduled this week so all I am missing is three days. Doubtful I will work tomorrow. Oh and I have also lost my cell phone charger but Kendal says she will take me to get another this afternoon. Trevor is gone til about 5 this morning. Thanks to everyone, since I know many are praying for my recovery. My God will do amazing things!

Pictures

2006-10-18T21:04:00.000-05:00

So my genius husband figured out how to rig a computer out of my laptop and his laptop. Don't ask how I don't know how....so here's the pics!
Descriptions of pics in no particular order: Precious Moments fountain show, complete with gospel singing little person (Duke Mason), the neat old house was the Grand Avenue Bed and Breakfast where we stayed in Carthage, MO, also pictures of the Precious Moments chapel.

our trip

2006-10-16T14:30:00.000-05:00

I guess I won't have pics posted of our trip...due to technical difficulties. Trevor and I went to Missouri on Sat Oct 7 and stayed in Lawson for three days. On Tuesday afternoon, we headed to Carthage, MO to stay at Grand Ave Bed and Breakfast. It was fun and relaxing.We stayed in the Laura Ingalls Wilder room which had a (small) Jacuzzi tub/shower. We went to the square and went shopping in antique stores. We also had dinner one night at a rodeo arena/steakhouse. On Wednesday and Thursday we went to the Precious Moments chapel and fountain show, where a singing, I guess you call him a little person, sang gospel music. All in all we had a lot of fun.
This post was made possible by the Greins letting me use our computer. If anyone wants to contribute to the Taylor computer fund...let us know(: Just kidding.